the online diary of The Big-minded

i can't

This might be short.
So I was reading a fanfiction about the outsiders and I just can't​. I was crying so hard. It made me realized. No one will be here for me. At least in the damn story, the wife had her husband, the abducted child had his real family, and soda had darry. I have no one.
If I go to my mom, she will get mad that I am waking her up. And if I go to my brothers, they will refuse to give a shit. My friends, "friends" heh. If I can even call them that. They wouldn't give a shit at all. They would either hit me with fake pity, laugh or say,"you're overreacting".
You see, I have no one to pick me up, to hold me, to say it's okay. No one gives a shit. Jon, I know you don't care about me. I already knew you didn't like me back but now I know would rather hang out with someone else, anyone else, other than me. I can see it in your eyes. The way they look at me, they scream out I rather not. The way you move slightly away when I sit next to you, it tells me everything I wished I was oblivious to. You despise me. You always run away when I try to have any meaningful conversation with you! It hurts. But you don't care. You could of just said this to my face last year!
It could of saved me the trouble of loving you and worrying my ASS off that whole summer till this present day about if you had killed yourself or wasting every prescious second of your prescious life on wondering what blade should you cut with or if you even matter at all. You do matter. But to you, I don't. It doesn't matter. Go on and hang with your friends, their not bad at all, in fact, they're real nice. Better than me anyway. Bye.

(Btw, the fanfic is called"a parent's worst dream come true", it's real good.)