Dear Jason

Cafeteria Chaos

"What the hell?!" I yelled, but the cafe was in pure chaos.
Jake and Ethan were once again going at it with Johnny and Aaden. Jake and Ethan played football, Johnny and Aaden preferred hockey. The teams, for whatever ungodly reason, did not get along. Come to think of it, it probably had to do with either my sister or one of the other Heathers.
I pushed myself in between the four of them, put two fingers in my mouth, and whistled. The chants disappeared, the cafeteria fell silent, and the four boys looked at me.
"The fuck is this about?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.
Aaden opened his mouth to speak, when Heather McNamara nuzzled up behind him.
"Oh, I see it now," I said, shaking my head slightly. "Ethan's upset that Heather moved on, 'cos yanno Ethan has a hard time keeping it in his pants which isn't all that attractive to girls around here, and the only way he knows to cope with his feelings is to beat on other people. How classy."
I watched Ethan's fists clench and laughed. "But Ethan isn't big enough to take on Aaden, so he had to call in Jake for backup," I continued. "But all four of you are very easily taken down by a five foot four, one hundred pound girl because, let's be honest, none of you actually want to beat the shit out of each other."
The four boys, along with the rest of the cafeteria, stood silent.
"Do we not have any authorities in the school to break this shit up so I can get some lunch and eat in peace?!" I laughed, holding my arms up.
I caught a glimpse of my sister, who looked both furious and impressed.
"Ethan, go to the nurse and get an ice pack," I ordered. "The rest of you, get the frick to class. You have better things to do than watch this bull."
Ethan and Jake left the cafeteria first, both of them bruised and bleeding. Aaden and Johnny followed, when I stopped Aaden in his tracks.
"Nice punch," I whispered, and he gave me a low, secretive high-five.
The hockey boys were jerks, but a hell of a lot sweeter than the football guys were.
The Heathers, Alex, and Veronica were the last to walk past me. My sister stopped the crew and looked down at me.
"You're gonna get in so much crap for that," she said, and I shrugged.
"By who?" I asked, smirking slightly. "I'm a Chandler. I'm untouchable."
Each Heather smiled at me, and my sister slung an arm around my shoulder. The six of us walked down the hallway together, and Heather Duke leaned to look at me.
"Where'd you learn to do all that?" she asked, and I shrugged.
"I grew up with this one," I chuckled, nodding to my sister. "You either learn to yell or you bite the dust."
"Excuse me," Chandler whined. "I was not that terrible to you."
"I have a scar," I laughed, and everyone laughed with me.