Meryl and Don: An Unforeseen Journey

Chapter 59

"Baby, what do you mean?" Don asked concerned. "You nursed him?"

Meryl felt numb all over but knew it was the time to tell him everything. "Yeah. I want to tell you, everything, I'm ready; well, I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be I guess."

"Darl." Don said looking at her. "NOTHING will change between us."

Meryl nodded as she looked away. "Okay. That day..."

"Baby, look at me." Don said trying to get her to look at him. "I want you to look at me."

Meryl started crying as she looked down. "I can't, Don, I can't. I can't see the brokenness and also the love in your eyes when I tell you everything that happened, not if I'm going to get through it. I need to feel you, but I can't look at you. I'm sorry."

"Okay, baby." Don choked already struggling for composure and she had barely told him anything. Don wrapped his arms around her the best he could with all the machines as she laid her head on his shoulder while she continued to hold Henry. "At your pace, my love"

Meryl took a deep breath as she just stared straight ahead, almost as if she was staring off in to space. She hated that the tears were already starting; but they had barely stopped for days other than when she was sleeping. "I have to begin by telling you what I was doing that day. Why I had you go get a pretzel. But please don't be mad at me and please don't hate me."

"Meryl, I'm sorry but I'm going to look at you for what I'm going to say." Don said softly as he moved his head and hers so he could look into her broken eyes. It took him a while to be able to say what he wanted because he struggled to find his voice. "I could never HATE you, sweetheart, especially not for this. NOTHING you tell me will cause me to be mad at you or hate you or love you ANY less." 

Meryl shook her head as the tears came faster. "You don't  know that."

"Yeah, my love." Don said with a tender kiss to her lips. "I do. Now, continue."

Meryl and Don resumed their earlier position with her head on his shoulder. "That afternoon, well that day really, I decided I wanted you to draw me. I hated that he took that from you and wanted to give that back to you, back to us. I wanted to set the scene so I sent you for that stupid pretzel."

"I'm not mad, baby, not at all." Don said with a kiss to her head. "You were doing something romantic for us. You were trying to give us both a gift."

Meryl nodded. "When I was in that shit hole I kept wishing you had been there, but then I changed my mind. If you had been there then he would have killed you and I couldn't take it. I would have much rather been in that shit hole getting beat, being starved, than you being killed; I just wished Henry and the baby wasn't caught in all of it."

"I know, baby." Don whispered. "I felt the same way. I wanted to be with you and Hen more than you could ever know."

Meryl nodded as she continued. "Once you left I changed into your favorite silk robe of mine and went up to the studio. I got things ready. Got out a new canvas for you. Your favorite charcoal pencils. I heard the apartment door open and close. I thought it was you so I yelled down to check on Henry and then to come up because I had a surprise for you."

"But it wasn't me." Don whispered as the guilt twisted in his heart like a knife.

Meryl shook her head. "He must have gotten Henry and taken him out to the car and then came back for me. A little while later I heard him say I was waiting for him. It wasn't him who I wanted and was waiting for, I was waiting for YOU. I wanted it to be YOU."

"I know, M, I know." Don choked as he held her tighter. "I wish it would have been me."

Meryl tried to swallow past the lump in her throat that formed when she heard the brokenness in his voice. "But I'm glad it wasn't, because you were safe trying to find us. I struggled against him and he smacked me and I tumbled down the stairs. That's the blood that was in the studio and on the stairs. I must have been out of it because when I came around I was tied up in the car and Henry was in the backseat screaming. I wanted to hold him so badly but I couldn't. It felt like a nightmare."