The Distance of Love

Chapter 13: Sweet 16

So the day came of my sweet 16. I woke up from a bad premonition about how today would go. As to be exspected parts of it did come out of the premonition. The rain was horrible it down poured almost all day. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready for the party which I am exaughted from. When Matthew showed up I was so flustered I had a hard time introducing them to everybody and I felt bad over the fact that I couldn't make Matthew's parents feel more at home. I think they felt as out of place on our turf asmy family was on theirs for the first time.

Matthew and I were sitting in front each other like normal and my niece beside us and my neice was annoying me so much to the point of having a migrane on top of laughing and the fact that I feel on my back but hit my head directly off the ground because I was being chased. I actually 3 times but the last time was the hardest. Matthew also continued on my sisters little tradation of every time I start a story he says "At band camp?" which it still annoys the hell out of me. His smart ass comments keep me going on a day like today . He had me open his gift to me before he left and it was a rainbow bear with a chinese fan one of the two things I had been wanting for a long time. The bear was unexspected but i will forever love it and sleep with it every night it means more to me then he thinks not only that it kind of smells like him too so thats a plus for me. when I walked out from under the tarp the first time Matthew followed me and as a sweet jesture he lifted up his coat to cover my head because my hood was down when I fell the first time it just kind of lead into the second one and then the last. With the last fall I fell so hard i swore I lost cosusneiss for a second I'm not 100% sure. That is when Kassandra aka (Max) picked up one arm Kaytie grabbed the other and Matthew had my legs and it was funny because my neice also had an arm and shes like "we saved her" and all I am thinking to myself is your the ones who caused the accident by slipping ice down my back.Needless to say I hurt now badly now because of the fall .me and matthew continued to talk though my ever growing migrane .

So the time came for Matthew to leave and to me our I will see you as soon as I cans or what other people call goodbyes will be forever hard in me. I walked over to Mathew after giving his mother her daffodils and candle. Matthew said " first off all " and then took my hood down because it was covering my face which we obviosly wanted to see before he left. We hugged for a about a minute and then I had a flash back to last months cabin ever party this was the same situation only switched around he was the one leaving me now instead of me leaving him. he nuged my head up and asked me for a kiss because we normally great with one hug and one kiss and then when one of us leaves it's one hug and 2 kisses which has been our little tradtion since our first kiss. I gave him the first kiss and then proceeded to bury my head into his chest because honestly speaking I didn't want him to leave at all i don't think he noticed but I had all i could do to keep myself from tearing up on his chest . Matthew kept nugeing me to get me to give him another kiss because I acted like as if I was scared to do it. Which in a way i waas because I know what that second kiss means, it means our time together for the time being has ran out and that makes me feel so sad on the inside. So after we kissed for our last time for the next month or two. My fight or flight kicks in and this time it told me to take flight and get out of the situation. If i saw Matthew leave I really was going to break down into tears. I walked into the house took off my make-up and sat in my room till i could cool down or until if someone got worried enough to find me and wonder where I was.

Kaytie then came in and asked me what was wrong and I told he the truth goodbyes are hard for me. She said to me "Caitlin you have friends and family who love you out there so crying now is not your best option." I replied with "I know" then collected my self a bit I guess my sister said you may want to go check on Caitlin her boyfriend just left. Then Kaytie found me helped me collect myself and then we walked out back to socilize with every body which was now hard for me to do. I told Aleah what happend and she agreeed with Kaytie I need to stop feeling when I want to cry it's not good for me I shouldn't be scared to show emotion around Matthew or anybody for that fact . In my mind she was right . I talked to Kassandra and she knew exactly how I felt I had a support group of 3 girls trying to lift my spirits. I started to feel comfortable in my own skin again I guess I really did have a small anxiety attack and not relise it . Kaytie was a little mad that Matt couldn't stay longer but I understood why . He told me why they had to leave early and I bitter sweetly understood with my party being so close to mothers day.

Before Matthew left we were talking about why we wuld not want to be in eachothers minds. I pipe up and say the reasons off the top of my head avoiding the word "anxiety " trying not to bring it up today. Then when i said to him the fact that I can remember things very vividly and that more then one thing runs through my mind at a time and that I remember all good or bad dreams vividly Matthew then said also anxiety I do like that he doesn't keep it a secret i mean it's not like I hide it from him even though he has never seen me have an anxiety attack which can range any wheres from me being silent to me breaking down and crying at something small. I will admit I am scared to have my first anxiety attack infont of Matthew because I am scared of how he will react. Me and Kassandra came in to the house and taked a while until her mother could pick her up and it was just a heart to heart that we haven't had in a long time and I needed confort. Every one says that because I cry more in this relationship I took 3 steps back insted of 5 steps foward .and what i tink to my self every time I hear that is before i met Matthew I refused to cry for 7 years over the fact that I thought it made me look weak but I learned that is actually what made me stronger was i startred crying again and it is because of Matthew why I am no longer afraid to cry just not ot in public.

After Kassandra left and the party was over I was called out asking where I was and I thought for the first time in a while people actually worried about me and where I was it felt like a dream .
    Earlier in the day when food was served and I was in the house Matthew walked over to the table to get something to eat. He leaned over and my aunt Niaomi then proceeded to sniff him. My aunt looked up and went it is you. Then Matthew just kind of ran and hid behind his parents. What was funnier then that was when his parents opened the cake up and my father went keep out of the frosting and my dad was like said yes I heard about that.

~ That is all for now sighning off your one and only Caity-cat ~