A Wager Of The Heart

68. Alone in the dark

:::Charity:::

I sat up in the rumbling carriage, my neck ached from laying on my father's lap for so long. We were making a midnight run to Kent's house and the horses sensed our urgency as they galloped across the dark landscape faster than I thought was good for them. 

Geri and Bastion were both asleep and I was relieved to have a moment alone to gather my thoughts. I didn't remember fainting although Geri recounted it as if it were the scariest thing she'd ever seen. I just remembered feeling a wave of relief and safety overcome me. I knew I was safe and then everything went black. I'm not sure if the feeling of safety came from my own assurance at seeing my family or because Kent had succeeded in stopping Kesler. 

I woke from my fainting spell as Kent carried me around the dark house. The first thing I remembered was the fear and I dug my hand into the fabric of his shirt as my heart beat wildly. It was like a flood as I remember it all at once and I relaxed enough to open my eyes. Kent pulled me closer to his body and I realized I was shaking. His look was angry and I could feel the tension in the muscles of his arms and chest. Could he be angry that I was shaking in fear or was he angry because I'd changed the stakes of our wager? I knew he read my face expertly when he faced me in the small clearing. I knew he now knew the depth of my love. I couldn't bring myself to release his shirt as his careful gait brought us to a stop on the edge of the long drive. I knew it was wrong but I needed his physical presence in the present to keep my mind from wandering to the past. 

As we stood silently in the dark he made no move to place me on my feet. The tranquility was absolute as we waited. Another burst of terror made my whole body tighten with tension. I pulled my legs close to my body and buried my face in the crook of Kent's neck, my fingers twisting in his shirt. A ringing began in my ears and the pain in my jaw intensified as I realized I wasn't breathing. 

"Charity," Kent's calm, firm voice broke through my terror and I looked up into his handsome face. "You need to remember to breathe." He said kindly and sternly. I nodded and very carefully I took deep breaths and relaxed the muscles in my body. "Brandan is coming with the carriages and horses."

I nodded and opened my eyes to the sound of approaching noise. I turned back to Kent and caught him watching me carefully. He set me on my feet with that same look of determination on his face. I steadied my balance but he didn't release me from his grasp. "Thank you." I said, looking down, not wishing for him to read the expression in my eyes. 

The horses were almost upon us but Kent refused to let me go and I refused to ask him. He shifted his weight and for a moment I was falling off balance and about to collide with the ground. Kent caught me in his arms and squeezed me tightly to his body. The gesture was one of desperation and urgency. I held him just as securely, a part of my mind was loudly proclaiming me stupid for savoring such a gesture from the man my sister loved. 

The coaches were slowing down as they drew closer. Kent finally released me from the circle of his arms but he did not retract his support. "The others are coming now." I heard Brandan say from atop one of the horses. I felt Kent nod once as he stepped forward and opened the door of one of the two carriages. He lifted me off my feet and set me gently on the bench inside. 

I clutched at his hands, not wanting to be alone in the dark. He chuckled and pulled me to him once more for a quick hug, out of sight of everyone else. "Your father and sister will be here any moment," he said holding me tightly. It was a small comfort to know he didn't want to let me go any more than I wanted him to. He set me firmly on the bench and I began to remove his jacket which caused him to hold up a halting hand. "Keep it." He smiled at me but I could still see the anger in his abrupt movements and the immobility in his jaw. 

I nodded and tucked myself into the corner of the seat as I pulled the jacket more securely around myself. I was alone for no more than two minutes before the door swung open and Geri and Bastion entered the small space. I looked once at their worried faces and a sob erupted from somewhere deep within my soul. 

Bastion open his arms and I crawled into his lap. At that moment there wasn't a trace of the adult left in me and I needed the comfort and strength of his love. I cried into my father's shoulder for so long that we were well into our journey before I found I could stop and explain what happened. I grew silent and was surprised to find tears streaming down Geri's and Bastion's faces. Soon after we'd all cried our last tear, Bastion and Geri succumbed to sleep.

I looked down at my ruined dress and shuddered. I pulled Kent's jacket more securely around my shoulders and leaned back, reveling for a moment in the warmth that enveloped me. I sighed in the quiet seclusion of Kent's protection and laughed. The jacket had no special powers, it was the man that it belonged to that had the power. The fear was still buried deep within my breast, hiding behind a thin veil of control. But wrapped in this comfort gave me the strength to withstand succumbing. 

The only sound that accompanied the night was the steady clip-clop of hoof beats and creaking wheels. I moved closer to the window and pushed aside the small curtain. Kent was riding right outside the door of the carriage, his face was straight forward. I took a moment to examine his profile and felt my heart fluttering as the breadth of my love overwhelmed me. I was struck with an odd and conflicting sensation, I wanted to giggle and sob at the same time. The joy of my new found love was matched equally with the despair of the impossible situation. 

I brought the jacket to my nose and breathed deep of the mix of scents that made up his smell. I did love him, more than anything aside from my family. Or maybe more, the love was completely different so it was impossible to measure with the same tool. I loved this confusing devil of a man more than words could express. I loved him even if it was wrong, even if I knew I shouldn't. Even as I knew nothing would ever come of it and my exposure would be the end of my sister's happiness. I would be forced to work doubly hard to keep my feelings to myself. 

It was strange really to discover danger in a revelation of love and yet I knew it was deadly because I would have to be on constant alert. At the end of the summer Geri would marry him and there was nothing that could be done about it. I also knew if I didn't constantly remind myself of the falsehood of the sweet words of love that he would otherwise surely win my heart. Kent was a devil, beguiling and convincing, and it was paramount to keep reminding myself that what he whispers in my ear under the moon, he's whispered to many before and would whisper to many after.

I would believe him, I knew that in the depth of my soul, I would forsake everything for a chance that he was sincere. I knew just a strongly that I could never cause Geri that kind of pain. I smiled sadly at his profile, here alone in the dark I could be honest with myself. I pulled the jacket around me like a hug and reveled in the thoughts of a future I would never have. Come morning I would be as distant as before, prepared to wage an invisible war against my self-control. But just for tonight I would love him with abandon, alone in the dark he was mine.