A Wager Of The Heart

38. Making amends

:::Charity:::

I was silent as I watched Geri watch me. I could not find the words to express myself for the pain that gripped my entire body and radiated from my heart. Her blue eyes were tear rimmed and full of pain. I sighed and looked away, unable to carry her pain as well as my own. I looked around her clean and well-ordered room and then down at my filthy and tattered dress. My hands were puffy and red, scabs formed on my palms from my flight the night before. When Kent left me at Geri's door, I hadn't dared touch any of her fine furnishings in my grime. I laid on the cold floor in front of the door as my body ached from my complete agony and enervation. I could not force myself to sleep for the fear that still gripped every part of me. 

Lying on the floor of my sister's room I felt cold and alone, worst of all, helpless. Then I'd heard it, at first it brought me fear, the sound of boots stomping on the floor outside the door. Somehow without knowing, I knew it was Kent. I knew with certainty he would stand guard all night. A strange peace had overcome me and I felt a kind of warmth descend and I knew I was safe. Sleep claimed me shortly after.

"Chari?" Geri asked taking my hand.

I shook the emotion quickly from my eyes and looked up. I watched her face carefully as I told her all that I dared, altering facts when she couldn't handle it. I told her nothing of Kesler's lascivious and carnal promises, I couldn't bare them myself, I knew she would be crushed under the weight of the knowledge. 

When I'd finished, her face was ghost pale and tears leaked slowly down her cheeks, in the silence we were each desperately watching the other. "I'm sorry." I said finally, wishing I had the presence of mind to keep my mouth shut and my temper in check. I knew now Kent had baited me expertly and I'd fallen into his trap with no cares. Strangely this made me want to smile. I looked away from her, certain she'd be able to read me more clearly than I could. My emotions were a jumble, like a tangle of cord, I didn't know where any one began or another ended. The only think I was certain of was that Kent was a true danger to my resolve. 

"I'm sorry." I said again, barely audible, knowing I could never tell her exactly what for. "I know that it will only get worse. Ursula will find a way to retaliate and only cause us greater pain." I sighed and squeezed her hand gently. "I should not have said anything."

Geri looked stricken and leaned down to grab my other hand. I tried to snatch it back before she felt the newly formed wounds. Her eyes grew large and I knew I failed. She gulped around her fresh tears and pulled me over to sit on the couch in the center of her room. I winced as I sat and the filthy fabric of my dress mixed with the soft cleanliness of the cushion. The back of my legs and back were a constant ache that seemed to dull with intensity simply because the pain never ceased. I tried to coax the pain from my face as I looked at her, not wishing to burden her with this knowledge either. "I wish you had said something sooner." Her face fell and filled with guilt. "Why didn't you?"

I thought carefully of how to phrase it to cause her the least amount of pain and to wipe the guilt from her face. "Mr. Rivers made it clear he operated with Lady Edith's full permission, I felt I had no right to complain." I paused but continued too quickly before the words could exit her open mouth. "It wasn't this bad before Kesler, I just worked to keep myself warm and fed, it isn't how we do it at home, but I didn't know any better. I also thought if you could endure Kent, I could endure Mr. Rivers."

"Why did you tell Kent and not me?" She asked, her eyes filling with pain.

I shrugged and looked away trying to muster the courage to tell her of Kent's aggressive flirtation since we'd arrived. I sighed, knowing I couldn't until she was secure in the knowledge of his love. So instead I jumbled facts with lies and hoped she never found out. "The night before last, Kesler locked me in a broom closet so I could not come to you." She winced but I continued, showing her the underside of both my hands. "Last night when he did the same, I couldn't take another moment, so I jammed wood splinters into the lock and climbed out of the window. I suspect Kent either saw me falling or was just walking, but he found my hiding spot later that night." I sighed heavily and closed my palm. "He pestered me about you and I lost my temper and yelled at him." I looked down at the floor to hide my shame. "When Lady Edith summoned me this morning I thought I was to be reprimanded. That is why I begged you to come."