A Wager Of The Heart

82. A new life

:::Charity:::

Coal black eyes haunted my dreams with an ever changing range of emotions, from burning anger to adoring love or rigid defiance. Most painful of all was cold indifference. I couldn't remember coming to bed or raising with the sun, I barely remembered the hurtful things he said, but the finality in his gaze followed me into my nightmares. It was over, unequivocally. 

I stood in the library waiting to be dismissed for the final time from Preston Palace. Last night Kent stayed with me, comforted me as I cried, tried to make me laugh but he'd remained guarded and aloof. Whatever kindness he showed me had more to do with him being a friend, the fire of passion he felt before was less than smoldering ashes now. It is just as well, I thought as I ran my fingers along the spines of books Geri loved so much, I could leave my past in the past and begin anew. I'd have to take him at his word that he had forgiven me and focus my attention on gaining back everyone's trust. 

I sighed and pressed my hand to my throat as my other trailed chain of my locket. I wrapped my fingers around the metal until the edges dug into my flesh. Leaving Geri and Kent had been the hardest thing I'd ever done, but not it appeared I would have to live knowing even without Geri between us, I would never have him. If only I'd managed to swallow my pride and kiss him last night, I would have made him see that he was all I wanted or would ever want. I laughed softly at my ridiculous thought and passed the window that held the beautiful view of Edi's garden without looking, that pleasure was forever out of my reach. 

I forced the thoughts away and remembered my sister's exuberance. she would be happily taken care of for the rest of her life, she found someone who would love her even more than I hoped for. That was enough for me, or I'd say that until I believed it. Given that Edi was the only member of the family to treat me with kindness, I would very likely only see Kent on rare occasions. That little stab of pain upon catching his eye was a price I was more than willing to pay for the joy Brandan brought my sister. 

I swallowed the emotion chocking me when I heard the door to the library open. I covertly wiped my cheeks to catch any errant tears I might not have noticed as I faced the intruder. My smile was meek compared to the warmth of Edi's expression when my eyes met her. "Charity," She said kindly, stepping forward and embracing me. She held me tightly for a minute and then brought me back to arm's length. "You look tired dear, are you feeling alright?"

I nodded and smiled more confidently, the last thing she needed to know was that I'd spent and unknown amount of time crying on her son's shoulders late into the night. "Yes, for the first time in a very long time I slept soundly." I could only assume that I made it back to my room last night because I woke up this morning there, with the jacket firmly wrapped around my hands and tucked under my nose. I hadn't slept a night without it in more than a year, I would probably keep it until the fabric fell apart, the only physical proof of the greatest love story of my life. I would train my mind to absorb nothing but happiness from this situation, I was happiest in the moment he said he would marry me, nothing else mattered. Now I was truly content. 

"Good," Edi gingerly squeezed my arms and then released me. She took a seat on one of the sofa's and gently, but firmly, patted the cushion across from her. Bemused but knowing I didn't have much of a choice, I sat down and watched her carefully. "Bastion wanted me to tell you he's ready. Where is Adelaide?"

I tensed slightly at the mention of my step-mother's name. She'd been less than welcoming in the few moments I'd had alone with her. I could tell she'd take a great deal of winning over before she trusted me enough to open up, but it was a sort of comfort to know that she felt this way to protect Bastion. "My father said she left early because she missed my new brother too much." I answered neutrally.