The Shattered Alpha

>15<

I have no idea how long I have been sitting in my car staring at my reflection in the window, but it was starting to get light as the morning stroked light into the skies. I didn't know what to feel, my emotions were in turmoil inside of me and I was starting to get nauseous from all the feelings. My wolf was eerily quiet and I found it odd that she had no input about the information we just received. My mate was taken away from me so that I could be another's mate. A thought wormed its way into my heart and it began devouring me; it's my fault, it was my fault that Adrian died. He died so that I could be someone else's mate. He died because I was to be mated to someone else. Me. Slamming my hands onto the steering wheel I let out a strangled scream and tears rolled down my cheeks. Arg why do I always cry! I am so weak and pathetic! Why must I be such a cry baby! Arg. I shut my eyes and leaned back on the seat, my head titled back.

'Control yourself Christen, don't show weakness, don't be so darn pathetic, get yourself together' I commanded myself. Noticing that the sun was just peeking out above the horizon I got out of the car and walked to the front door.

Six months.

I just had to tolerate him for six months; I threw my keys into the bowl and walked to my office. I wasn't going to be the reason- suddenly the horrid realization hit me. I can't be his mate, I just can't. No, I won't, I won't not again. I walked to my bathroom turned on the shower and quickly freshened up before changing my clothes and brushing my teeth. I braided my hair into a Dutch braid and then twisted it into a low bun. I gave myself a once over, I looked like I was run over by a truck and then a train and then someone sat on me. My skin was deathly white, I had lost a lot of weight, dark circles were under my eyes, my eyes were red and puffy and my lips were really chipped and cracked. Sighing I tugged the grey shirt straight and pulled my blue jeans a bit higher onto my waist.

I closed my door behind me and slowly walking down to the cellars, I wasn't looking forward to this meeting at all. I didn't want him here; I didn't want him close to me. I didn't want to replace Adrian; he could never be my Adrian.

'How would you know? You haven't even given him a chance' my wolf said but I ignored her. I walked past the hospital and down to the basement. Kyle and Big Phil were on duty and they nodded when they saw me approach.

"Is Graham here?"

"Inside Alpha"

"Good" I walked through the door and saw that Graham, Jason and Ryder were all standing in front of the rogue's cell.

"Morning guys" I greeted and they all looked at me.

"Morning Alpha"

"Why are we all scheming in the corner?"

"Lindsay is inside with the rogue" Graham said all of a sudden.

"Why?" I frowned.

"She heard that he might be your second mate and forced her way into his cell" Jason said.

"Open the doors" they did and I walked in to see Lindsay and Jackson sitting laughing like old friends. They haven't noticed me yet and I was about to make my presence known when they sobered up and he asked a question.

"So what's her deal? Has she always been so uptight and you know..."

"A monster?" Lindsay asked.

"Well yes"

"She wasn't, she used to be the most beautiful, carefree, bubbly girl. She used to be so happy and loving but ever since-"

"Lindsay you aren't supposed to be in here" I cut her off and they looked at me.