The Shattered Alpha

>16<

Groaning I forced my eyes open as the bright sunshine burst into my office, sitting up I peeled the sticky note from my cheek and scrunched it up before throwing it into the dustbin. I rubbed my eyes quickly getting rid of the drowsiness and heavy feeling, walking over to the door I pulled it open only to find Graham and Lindsay with guilty smiles and fearful eyes.

"What have you done?" I asked or more like mumbled.

"Aw is Christen not a morning person?" Grayson's voice caused me to roll my eyes but that didn't stop from my body shivering.

"I have no, idea what you're talking about, I'm a ray of sunshine" I started walking to my bathroom and all three fell in step behind me.

"I am a morning person by the way" He chuckled.

"Congratulations" I muttered still trying to wake up, yes I am that sleepy and yes that is not like an Alpha, but I was a heavy sleeper and it took me a long time to wake up.

"Yessh did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning?" he asked and I snorted.

"That would be true if I slept in a bed" I mumbled to look at them -or more like glance at him real quick. I noticed instantly how his sharp, mossy green eyes go soft and almost- mushy.

"Do you not sleep in a bed?" he asked and I frowned.

"Yes, why is that weird?" I asked directing my question at Lindsay, she shrugged but nibbled on her lower lip, indicating she was uncertain.

"Yes, it's weird, beds were created for a reason" he snorted "Are you like afraid to sleep alone in a bed or something?" he joked and I flinched- yes Grayson that was exactly it. How did he even think of that? Lindsay noticed me flinch and instantly grabbed Grayson by his elbow, both Graham and I glared at her action, chuckling she removed her hand and grabbed Graham's.

"I think we should go check how breakfast is doing and leave Chris to shower?" she said and Graham nodded and Grayson looked like he was about to refuse when his eyes glazed over, glancing at Lindsay I noted her eyes were glazed over as well.

"Yeah, we should leave you to it" Grayson gave me a fleeting smile before turning and walking.

"I told him to give you time and let you get used to him, Christen you're going to have your hands full with this one, he is nothing like Adrian" Lindsay said and I glanced at Grayson who was walking down the stairs and disappearing into the level bellow.

"Look you're a big girl Chris and I'm not going to tell you what to do, I tried and you refuse to listen, I'm sorry but I'm going to let you do your own thing and if you get hurt in the process or you hurt him then that's on you" she said and then walked off with Graham.

Groaning I entered the bathroom and turned the shower on letting the water warm up.

"Why can't they understand that it's difficult for me to just let go?" I asked myself, but my wolf took the liberty to answer me.

'It's only difficult because you make it difficult, you refuse to let go Chris' she sighed.

'I don't know how to let go that's the fucking problem, how do I let him go?' I asked her, she remained quiet as if she didn't know how to respond.

'You start by forgiving yourself Chris. I know about your nightmares I dream them too and each one is clear that you believe his death was your fault. It wasn't Chris, it was Ian's. Ian killed Adrian. Ian ordered Tyler and the other rogues to kill him, Ian didn't force you to kill him' she said and I groaned.

'But I could've done more to save him'

'No, you couldn't that wound was fatal do you honestly believe Doc would just watch from the sidelines as his Alpha watches her mate die if he thought there even was a slither of hope to save him?' she asked and my heart sped up, I never thought of that.