Better Off Alone✔

€hapter 2:

~Paris~

I was already dressed before my alarm went off, it's nothing out of the ordinary though. Every night another nightmare occurs, keeping me up. Making me force myself not to fall back into the darkness from which I lurked. The darkness as in "the nightmares" So I don't even know why I keep setting my alarm, knowing I'll be up before it screams the annoying death call.

I crept my way downstairs, not wanting to wake up my aunt, and slowly opened the door.

You know, sometimes, I wonder what it feels like not to hate yourself. Not constantly wanting your life to come to a hault. It must be pretty great.

It's been a long time since I ever had that feeling, so long I can hardly even remember the simple touch of happiness.

It began to drizzle, so I walked underneath a nearby bridge for shelter, since school doesn't start for another hour.

The rain always seemed to be a reminder of a past life, it calls to me. Telling me I'm homesick for a place that doesn't exist.

Have you ever had that feeling?

I was pulled back into reality when I heard rapid footsteps running in my direction.

"Rebel? Girl, what are you Doing out here?" My friend K.C says out of breath.

"I was about to ask you the same."

K.C is a beautiful woman, I envy her a ton.

With long charcoal hair that flows endlessly down her back and puppy dog- chocolate eyes.

She's the definition of perfect in my dictionary.

"Oh, I had to get an early start, we have an urgent student council meeting 10' before 8:00," She replies, rolling her Brown eyes, "Are you okay hun'? You seem a bit pale and those circles never seem to fade!"

No, I'm not. Not in a lifetime-"Yeah, I'm just so tired. Stayed up late studying for the yearly exams."

"Oh sounds reasonable, well I have to scat. See you later aligator!" She yells through the rain.

"Afterwhile crocodile..." I mumble.

I watched as her anorexic figure faded into the uprising fog.

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Fifth period rolled around and it was my turn to read aloud our poem.

I gulped nervously, everyone in this room was like a tiger and I was their weak prey.

When I finally made it to the front of the room, I began to tremble and sweat.

Nothing is worse than having severe social anxiety and having to read in front of 20- or more people that were like hawks looking down upon you.

I quietly began to read, my voice thick with fear.

A rapid, thump thump, pounded at my chest
Making me hurl in pain
Though, I know that death is beyond the best
I can't bear this thick thick rain
This rain so heavy, this rain so sore
I can not take this life anymore

And that was truly how I felt. No one would understand it apart from me, for it was about my nightmares. In them, the pain was unbearable, like knives raining down upon you with the sharpest blades.

I looked around and continued-

I ran into the wood
Where mother warned me not to go
And there beneath the sky I stood
Letting my emotions flow
One moment the pain was there And then it was gone in a flash
It had stabbed upon me everwhere
And then had gone so fast
Now I lay in a field of gold
With my heart at final peace
Feeling Happiness at it's bold
From my head down to my feet
Is this what death is like
When you've held on to pain so long
Is this worth the fight
When you find where your heart belongs