Better Off Alone✔

Chapter 26:

Paris's POV

Yesterday was a very restful day compared to this morning.

I awoke to a social worker shaking me and my aunt setting in a chair beside me.

"Mac? What are you doing here? I thought you didn't want me anymore." I said, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

Alex went home last night with several reassurances that I was okay. I'm glad we're back together and that he still loves me after putting him through all that I have.

K.C. left shortly after Alex, and only then was I able to really think about the consequences of my behaviors.

I thought about when I have a kid and how he/she might see the scars on my arms and ask about where they came from. How devastated I would be when that time comes. How heartbroken.

I, too, thought about the night I cussed out my aunt and told her I didn't want to live there anymore. How the image stuck in my head of how the pain in her eyes almost made me stay.

I really messed up that night, when all she wanted to do was help. I guess that's what I was best at, pushing people away. But I promised myself that I would give people a chance for now on. That I would have to let myself trust someone eventually.

My aunt reached over and laid her hand on mine, "I thought it over and decided that you need my help now more than ever. But if you come back, things will have to change. No more skipping school, sneaking in and out of the house, nothing like that. I'm getting too old to be stressed out all of the time." she replies, a genuine and kind smile forming on her face.

"But you have to promise to listen to what she has to say. Because if I have to come back, there will be no more second chances, young lady. " Whitney, my social worker, says.

I nod my head in agreement and embrace my aunt in a hug, "I'm so sorry. You really don't know how sorry I am for what I said. You've done so much for me and-"

She cuts me off mid-sentence, "Now, now. The past is in the past. I don't want to mention that night anymore, okay?"

I nod my head into her shoulder and sit back on my bed. I don't really want to just 'put it in the past', but realize I don't want to upset her by talking about it.

I hear a knock on the door and we all turn to look at the intruder.

Nurse Courtney walks in with a clipboard in hand and smiles at us, "Hello ladies, we think she's okay to go home now, but make sure she takes it easy as her injuries are still healing. Would you care to sign a few papers while I go get her clothes?" she remarks handing my aunt the clipboard.

" I'll be back with your clothes, Paris. Do you need anything while I'm out?"

"No thank you, ma'am." I reply, pulling my hair into a messy bun.

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The car ride home was short and quiet, neither my aunt or I bothering to make small talk. When I got home, I immediately went upstairs to my room and grabbed my stuff to take a nice, hot shower.

The water felt good on my aching muscles as I washed my body the best I have in years. When I finally got out, I looked into my bathroom mirror and for the first time in a long time smiled.

Something was different inside of me, not the familiar disgust I usually felt when I saw myself. Not the automatic sucking in of the stomach or the mental measuring of my thigh gap. Just a welcoming sense of being okay with my body.

It was the most wonderful feeling I've felt in a long time.

When I lay down, I check my phone and see a lovely message from Alex saying 'Goodnight Beautiful. See ya tomorrow!' . I smile at my phone and lay it on my nightstand.

I remember one time K.C. told me "One day you will be okay. You won't be perfect or excessively happy but okay. And that is more than most people could ever ask for."

Well K.C. here's to you.

You were right. I am not perfect nor excessively happy. I'm not the most popular person or the topic of everyone's sentences. I'm not totally healed or possibly even close. But I am okay.

And that is more than most people could ever ask for.