BLOODY BOND (EDITING/ON-HOLD)

BOND 18

I learn that happiness are emptiness that filled with good and great moments and I learn sadness are things that you about to lose or already are.

Since I was a child, my life filled with happiness until it robbed by death. I don't know how to express it when I lost my parents. They died because of car accident and it was so sudden for me. I was just so close to step into adulthood and I've been dream to drink my very first alcohol with them. But, it never came true. They have gone leaving me behind.

After that, I knew the accident happens due to influenced of alcohol and because of it, I never gulp down alcohol down to my throat. People close to me tried to comfort me with pretty and motivated words. But, I can't help but keep thinking of various things.

I tried to find the reasoning of my life. When people lose of something much precious they become madness. Blaming things and making pointless of excuses. They feel darkness start warped them and negative thought keep passed through the mind. Mess up your heart with emotions. There's no existence of rational but just excuses.

I thought I was no hope anymore and I starts to feel annoyed with people presence around me. But, there's that time when I let myself be alone on my room. It was night and it's full moon. I could noticed because the light came from my small window reflect a very bright light inside my room. I look onto it and keep stares for a very long time. My room is very pitch black but there's a small light pierce through it. How can I see it when the darkness are much greater? Why people can see light but no darkness? I keep asking myself with stupid questions.

From beginning there's nothing. I had nothing from the beginning. That's why things can be lose since there's nothing from the beginning. That's right. I become like this because one of the light that always shone upon me are gone now. I become like this because I couldn't see it again. They have gone to the much brighter place. Mother's. Father's.

That night I cried a lot. The tears that isn't come out on the funeral ceremony are burst out from my eyes on that night. I cried because one of my happiness are gone now but that isn't mean I had to stay on the darkness side when I have plenty of things to accomplished. One of it is to make my parents dream becomes true. That is graduated as university student and have a great job. I can't make my parent hardwork in raise me wasted. The insurance money, the saving money and house that they left to me, I can't wasted them.

That way I can be motivated and keep become strong when they are not here anymore. They are foolish parents. Died because of their own carelessness. I can't blame them because of that. They must have hard time to raise me and live to make each other happiness. I don't know. I might be wrong and it might be a double suicide not an accident. The facts can be much darker and I can't live by not accepting the consequences.

Since from I'm still a child. I have a peculiar way of thought and because of that my parents always raise me with happiness. But, I guess it gave them a hard time too. Since they got a child like me.

I'm sorry, mother. I'm sorry, father. I'm unable to make you both happy. If it's my fault or if it isn't. Let me be a person I wish to be. You both no longer there for me but everything you left are still there. Past that happened and happiness that we created. I wish when my time is come. I want to be that side of where you both go. I want to tell you both that how I live very well is all thanks to you raising me. Aren't I a good girl?

To be continued...