heart broken with his baby

1 year later

Lillah pov

Its now a year after the twin were born and every thing is perfect. I couldn't be more happier with what I have now to think I had too go through the​ betrayal the abuse the humiliation and rejection just too have this happiness I don't mind not at all at least I have my babies with me, even if my wolf doesn't talk to that the another thing I have lost my wolf right on my birthday nice right (not!) But now I don't have to feel the pains anymore I don't feel the mate bond between me and zach anymore even though I do love him even now but if he turned up to in front of my house I wouldn't take him no way​ in hell he would have to drag me back to the pack house and I would still run away until I took my last breath. Another thing zach I wil call him HIM for now just the thought of his name gives me unpleasant feelings that I don't want to have.
Its been tough very tough I love my babies I do but with the supplies and stuff I'm running low on money I guess I have to find a job when the twins will be a bit older I don't know.
I feel so alone whenever I look at becky and her mate I have this incomplete feeling of course I would who wouldn't honestly I don't know. I wish I could be born normal with a normal family mother father sibling and all, I wished to have all the sibling banter with then I wish I would have found my mate they would have loved me they would have loved us.... but I was a mistake but my babies will never know the true or that I'm the reason they would not have a real father , a dad someone to teach them how to ride a bike or someone they can talk to if they are having girl problems or someone to play baseball with. I'll try my best it will be hard yes but I pray to my mu... I mean to the moon goddess that she at least give happiness and blessing to my children and her grandbabies.
I walk to the door that lead to the twins room and just look inside I found becky and her mate holding both of my baby zee and eli. They look so happy they look so complete and I ruined that for my children they look like a real family something I cant give them because who would look at me like that the way brad looks at beck ahhh a girl can only dream I wish I could make it all better for them to make them a real family. I'm scared. Scared that if I always leave the twins to the two of them that the twins will start to forget me their real mother and think of her as their mom but I cant think like that because she is my first ever friend I cant and will not think like that.
Also what I realize is that eli looks more like me and zach looks like his father more and more everyday. I would think in the future eli would be gay with curves and all but I would not care as he is my son and I will love him no matter how he acts or what he likes.

I cant handle disappointing my children anymore I have decided to leave even though I said I wouldn't leave I would love them and all I can't handle this I will come back someday but I have to talk to beck if I...... wait what am I saying I can abandon my children what kind of mother would I be.

I step into the room and greet both of beck and brad they greet me back I say hello to my two beautiful angels and kiss both of their foreheads and shoo both beck and brad to do anything they want  for the rest of the night while i spend it with my two angels.

i was happy now sort of  with my angels and best friend let's hope we will keep it that way for some time.

i don't bother to pray to the moon goddess my mother but fall asleep watching over my sleeping angels that deserve more than me, more then what i am giving them right now  and much more .

i fall into a much needed dreamless sleep.