Divergent "I Still Love You" (Fanfiction)

Weakness

Tobias

I sit on the floor in my apartment, my hands reach my face.My hands smell of sweat and wind.it smells like tris.

My hands smell like her,and now i cant help but stare at them.they are rough from holding to many handles.

I stare at them,they crave the feeling of tris's smooth skin, and soft hair.

I start to stifle a sob,it rumbles through my chest up through my mouth,making a loud startling groan.i get up using the wall to help me.i walk to the bathroom, i lean against the counter,and look into the mirror.

The man in the mirror is so oddly tired.his hair is just a tad bit longer than original abnegation.i just view this man,the man i had once knew,gone and vanished,into something broken and withered inside..

His eyes were dark blue,but now looking like dark pits.His structure is almost skelital.Muscles still appear at his arms, but not for long.

His eyes are red,and puffy.

They are ashamed of the tears that glisten on his cheeks.

His eyes says hes sad.

But his eyebrows suggest that he is angry.His lips twitch.

This is the man I have came to discover over the past two years.This man is all I can remember.

The only thing I cant believe is this man is me.

I have fought for so long not to become anything like my parents.

But as i realize is everything i am today is made up from what they are as well.

I undress myself and get in my shower.

The steaming hot water glides over my back, and i let it wash over me,and it soon reaches my face.smoothering it into hot liquid filling in the edges of my nose and lips,my eyes and ears, and i am consumed by this water.

All at once,the grief vanishes and I stand empty.Feelingless.

Then, I cant help but think of her.

She was my only hope of happiness,

Of a real life.

With children,and love.

But now all I have is myself.

And at those times I got paired with blind dates Zeke had set up with me,

Those times girls flirted with "Four".

And I went back to my apartment in Dauntless headquarters wondering where on earth is my life going.

And all I could ever think was that I am always "alone". always.

I have never felt this much damaged, i have never felt this alone, i have never ever felt this weak.