Marvel One Shots

"Jailtime for an Interrogation"

Natasha giggled drunkenly as she drove down the road, swerving in and out of lanes at an alarming speed. It was so obvious that she was drunk that the car behind her called the cops. And as soon as Natasha saw the blinking red, white, and blue lights behind her, she smiled.

When the man who had pulled her over, Officer Radnak, tried to ask her questions, she simply clutched his arm and smiled widely, answering everying other question with 'why did the chicken cross the road?". At the next question, she would answer her own joke, laughing loudly at the sheer hilarity of it.

After hearing the inebriated rendition of 'why did the chicken cross the road?' one too many times, Officer Radnak brought an intoxicated Natasha out of the car and performed a simple drunk test. When she couldn't even stagger a few feet along the white line, he gave up and decided to search the car.

In the cabin he found the usual assortment of college girl items. A couple papers, receipts for fast food restaurants, and a surprising amount of loose change. Nothing illegal, though the number of loose ketchup packets was alarming. It looked like Natasha would get away with only a DUI; however, when Officer Radnak opened the trunk of the car, he nearly screamed. There was a dead body.

The 'body', of course, belonged to a very-much-alive Clint Barton. Because no, Natasha Romanoff did -not- get drunk, have a breakdown, and murder her only friend. But the police didn't have to know that.

Two hours later, and Natasha had been photographed and fingerprinted (SHIELD had hacked the database, obviously) and was now in an interrogation room, waiting for the detective who would question her. It came as no surprise to her when Detective James Lopez walked into the room.

Natasha was clapping her hands to some unknown rhythm when the detective came in. "Miss Romanoff-" He faltered for a second, already on edge. "Do you know what you're here for? Do you know why you are now in police custody?" Detective Lopez continued his question, starting out with a thick accent that faded the longer he talked. In response, Natasha raised her hand like she was in a classroom. It took a second for Detective Lopez to realize that he would have to call on her to get an answer. "Yes, Miss Romanoff?"

Natasha looked serious as she leaned forward, whispering as if confiding a great secret to the detective. "Murder?" She asked, breaking into loud giggles as if their entire conversation was a joke, grinning crazily.

It wasn't every day that Detective Lopez dealt with murderers, and it certainly wasn't every day that he dealt with murdering psychos. This Natasha person was starting to really freak him out, and he wasn't sure how to regain control of the situation.

"Do you wanna see a magic trick?" Natasha slurred, head resting on her chin.

Detective Lopez didn't know how to answer, so he shrugged noncommittally.

Natasha sat up straight, eyes wide, as if she had been electrocuted, and snapped her fingers twice.

For a second, nothing happened. Then the interrogation room went totally dark. Everything was perfectly silent. Now it was Detective Lopez's turn to almost scream.

When the lights flickered back on a moment later, the detective jumped when he saw that Natasha wasn't in handcuffs anymore. In fact, she wasn't even in the interrogation room. Leaning against the wall in her place was the unidentified body from her car, assumedly her victim, risen from the dead.

"Where on God's green Earth did you come from?!" Detective Lopez shouted in shock and horror, twisting frantically back and forth in order to see both the camera high on the wall and the man standing in the corner.

Clint, still wearing the makeup that made him appear dead, pushed himself off of the interrogation room wall. "Well, Mother always said I came from Heaven..." The words were spoken in a surprisingly charming voice, but the blue lips and visible veins on his face ruined the effect when he smiled.

"I thought you were dead! You... you look just like the victim in the picture!" The detective stammered nervously.

Clint snatched the picture up from the table, inspecting it closely with a serious expression on his face. He suddenly tossed the photo down, shaking his head. "Ya know, I'm not really seeing it myself. We have very different facial structures."

Detective Lopez took the picture back, staring at Clint in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me! You look exactly like...him." He faltered as he looked back down at the photograph. He could have sworn that it was of the man in front of him...but now it showed the girl that he had been questioning before, Natasha. Except he looked dead.s

He dropped the picture like it was on fire, standing up from his chair. "What is this? How is this happening?"

Clint spread his hands in a placating gesture. "Dude, calm down. Think about it for a second." He tapped his temple, saying in a knowledgeable voice: "Use your kidneys."

"My what?" Detective Lopez asked in confusion. Surely this man didn't mean 'use your brain'? He shook his head, trying to clear it. What was going on? How come no one had come in after the power shortage. This had to be a prank. "How are you still here? Someone is always watching the cameras in the interrogation rooms."

"You're right...someone is always watching." Clint edged forward, dropping his voice as he closed the space between them. "Always, always watching. I know what you did, Jimmy. Don't try to hide from me." Clint's eyes darkened in a sinister manner, his expression hardening into one of contempt and disgust.

Detective Lopez raised his hands, trying to back away.But with every step he took backward, Clint took two forwards, until Lopez was backed into a corner and Clint's towering frame was mere inches away. "I didn't do anything! I swear!"

Clint leaned down, closer still. "You're lying, Jimmy. I know that you planted evidence on a suspect. Do you know what I do to liars?"

Detective Lopez gulped and started shaking his head 'no', but stopped with a squeak whenever Clint grabbed his hand.

"I hurt people."

The sinister, dangerous tone in Clint's voice was probably enough to get anyone shaking in their boots, but tears started picking Detective Lopez's eyes as Clint bent his hand farther and farther back, stopping just before the breaking point. "Be thankful that I have mercy." He snarled before dropping the detective's wrist.

Clint stepped backward, snapping twice. "I'm watching, Detective. No wrong movies."

The lights flickered off and on again, leaving Detective Lopez clutching his injured wrist, staring at the table. The file on the case had disappeared along with the man.

Later, as Natasha and Clint were driving back to the SHIELD base, Clint was starting to get worried. "You don't think I went too hard on the guy, do you?"

As soon as he asked the question, Natasha was shaking her head. "No, Barton, you weren't too hard. Detective Lopez made his choices. He got an innocent man put into prison for life, and you didn't even dislocate his thumb."

"But-"

"No 'but's, Barton. Now please stop looking like a sad zombie, and let's get home."