Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 14

The last thing I expected was to wake up to the sound of a heart monitor beeping. I should be dead. I was hit by a fucking train for god’s sake!! I should be in a million pieces scatted on the ground. I should be in heaven...or hell. I should be in hell, that's where I belong. 

"Becca?” A familiar voice called.

I looked over to the right of me and saw Mum staring at me. “Wha…what happened?” I asked all confused. 

“Thank god you are awake!! We weren’t sure how many you took” Mum said with tears forming in her eyes.

How many did I take? What the hell was she on about? I was hit by a fucking train. I didn’t take anything. 

Just as I was about to respond to what Mum said the door to my hospital room opened and standing in the doorway was Dad…with Declan. 

“What the fuck is going on!? Declan died! He hung himself from a tree and I was hit by a train!! We both should be dead!!” I screamed.

Before Mum got to respond to my outburst a man wearing a white coat came into my room. He was kinda cute. Shortish black hair which was a bit messy, dark blue eyes that you could get lost in, a medium size nose which went really well with his perfectly formed smile.

“Hello Rebecca, I’m Dr Boesky but you can call me Stephen. It’s good that you have woken up, you gave your family quite a scare. How are you feeling?” Stephen asked.

“Umm okay, I guess. What happened?” I asked still wondering why I wasn’t dead.

“You overdosed on some drugs you were taking. We found ice, cocaine and marijuana in your system, as well as some alcohol.” He paused before going on. “The amount that you took was very unhealthy and we almost lost you.”

I must have dreamed getting hit by the train. I must have dreamed everything after I blacked out. I guess I didn’t really get hit by a train or see Declan hanging by a rope from the tree or Drew and Ness kissing. 

“You’re going to have to stay in here a few days Rebecca so we can keep watch on you. Also you will have to see a counsellor before you leave so you can talk about what happened and when you were came in one of our doctors noticed a few Band-Aids on your thigh, when they pulled it off to see what it was they found a few cuts that looked like they had been self-inflicted. Is that right Rebecca?” Dr Stephen asked with a stern look on his face.

Shit! Oh shit! I totally forgot about the cuts on my leg. Now Mum, Dad and Declan know! Fuck! They are going to kill me!! They won’t understand. They will think I’m a stupid idiot for doing this to myself. My life will be hell, well it’s already hell so it will be worse!! Fuck! “Umm n…no, I umm ran into a umm wire fence the other day” I lied holding back my tears.  

It didn’t look like he believed me. It was like he knew I was lying, like he was fitted with a lie detector in his brain. “Hmmm well the counsellor is going to talk to you about that to Rebecca” He paused before going on “She will probably refer you to a support group to and you should go. I have a few other patients I have to see before my shift ends so I will see you tomorrow Rebecca” With that said he headed towards the door, just before he left he turned back around to face me “You’ve been given a second chance at life Rebecca, don’t throw it away.” He then left the room as those few words sunk in.

A second chance? I Rebecca Jayne Howie have been given a second chance at life. Me. The loser who no one liked, the failure, the disappointment, the depressed fucking kid got a second chance at life!? How is that even possible. Why do I get a second chance? Why me? I don’t deserve this. I’m a loser. I actually wanted to die and I get a second chance. There are people out there that are having their lives taken for no reason. They didn’t want to die. They wanted to live. I didn’t. So why do I deserve a fucking second chance?

“Becca?” Mum whispered.

I was so zoned off in my own mind I completely forgot that anyone else was in the room with me. I took a deep breath. Okay now I have to pretend that I don’t know anything. Play dumb. I can do that. “Y…yeah?” I mumbled with a shaky voice.

“You know we all love you and if you ever need to talk we are here for you” She said her voice also shaky.

What the fuck? She was never there before! Never! But now that something dramatic has happened all of a sudden she is there and she loves me!? "Umm...okay" I replied in a pissed of tone.

One thing I hate about people is that they live off drama. It's like there birds fighting over a worm but instead of a worm it's a piece of the drama. It's pathetic. There are people out there who are really hurting. Who are on deaths doorstep and everyone around them act like they are there. They act like they care. When really they just want to say later on 'I was there. I helped. It was heartbreaking. They were one of my best friends. I cared for them.' Well your not fooling me. I fucking know you weren't there when it was all a secret. When I was upset but I just put a smile on my face. Where were you at three in the morning when I was crying my eyes out not wanting to take another breath? Where the fuck were you when I was sliding the razor blade across my skin to feel something? Oh I know, not giving a fuck about me! I wasn't important then because nothing dramatic was happening but now all of a sudden I'm in hospital and you care. You may be fooling everyone else but you aren't fooling me. 

I'm not going to let you in. I'm not going to let you be there for me because you never were there before. When I needed you most you weren't there. You can't save me now, I'm too far gone.

A.N: Hey guys sorry this update took so long I have been a bit busy. The next update won't take as long. As always please vote and comment :) I would love to hear some feedback :) Also I have another story which I am writing as well it's called The Accident and I would love it if you guys had a read of that :) xx