The Insiders

Chapter 25

Chapter 25- Sharlene

"Doesn't she need to hear what you have to say to be able to know what the schedule means too?" Coren says but I exit the room. I don't want to hear Steve's answer because I know, no matter how strong I force myself to be, I will not be able to explain everything to Coren today. I know one day I'll have to, but I can't bear it today. I begin to walk to my old room to see Amy. I need to think of what I'm going to say to her, but all I can think about is Coren. That's all I could think about all day. I wish I hadn't asked to visit Amy during our meeting. Coren's face when I stood up to leave almost forced me to stay, but then I remembered a different face, Peter's face. I feel so guilty for just being near him. Peter still thinks we're together but Coren thinks...... well I don't actually know, but I do know it would hurt them both if they found out about the other.

I force the thoughts to the back of my mind as I approach my hallway. I need to come up with something to say or something to even start with. Nothing comes though. How do you appoligize to someone whose sister you watched die? The familiar door appears too quickly. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. The door quickly swings open revealing Amy in a bright red and black laced bra and underwear with her hair down and straight.

"I knew you couldn't wait." She cheerily says not looking at me.

"Amy." I say completely stunned. Amy quickly turns her head to me.

" Oh my-" The door's slamming cuts her off. I can't help but giggle a little. I hear a few doors slam from inside our room before Amy returns to the door wearing a light grey sweater and light green shorts.

"Sorry about that." She apologizes.

"Can I come in?" I ask shyly. Amy takes a step to the side welcoming me back into our room. The room generally looks the same, but the bottom bunk sheets are messy and has an extra pillow. The floor is covered in clothes, some of them appear to be Bryce's. Amy shuts the door behind me and rushes to the bed to straighten it up. While she's doing that I look at the table with a black frame on it beside our bed. I walk towards the frame to see the picture in it. I push a few tissues away to grasp the frame. As soon as I look at it I regret it. There, smiling brightly, is Joy. Her and Amy are tightly hugged together but facing to camera. They look happy in their matching sundresses.

"That was about a year ago," Amy explains. "Every year we would go on a vacation of our choice. That year we went to Mexico. Joy chose it." She trails off, sadness creeping back into her happy facade. I gently place the picture back on the table and begin to walk towards Amy.

"She looks really happy." I comment.

"She always was." Amy replies looking at the closet on the right side of the room. I go over and sit next to her on the bed. Amy only glances in my direction.

"What's that?" She asks gesturing to the folded piece of paper in my hand. I hand over the paper.

"It's all our training sessions for the next few weeks." I explain. Amy takes a moment to anylize everything. I'm so tempted to discover what she's thinking but I feel I owe it to her to give her complete privacy.

"This is going to be exhausting." Amy comments handing back my paper. I shyly nod in agreement. I'm waiting for her to break. To realize I could have saved Joy. I'm waiting for her to cry or even punch me. Some sort of emotion that is not casual or civilized, but I'm not sure she will anymore.

"How is your boyfriend? Amy asks with a small smile.

"Which one?" I blurt out before I can even think. Shit. Why would I say that? That was so stupid!

"You're still seeing Patrick?" Amy practically shouts.

"Peter," I correct her. "I guess I am, I really don't know.." I trail off. I need to give her as little details as possible.

"When did you last see him?" There goes that plan.

"Yesterday." I say hesitantly. Amy suddenly grabs a pillow and props it up against the wall. She extends her legs and leans on the pillow.

"What are you doing?" I question.

"You have a lot to tell me. I just thought I should be comfy for the long story." Amy smiles. I turn towards her with my legs crossed.

"Are you sure you want to talk about this? We can talk about J-"

"No I'm sure," She interjects. "I need a distraction, and what better than your reality-soap-opera of a life." I smile at the term because of the honesty it carries.

"Okay." I begin.

I tell her everything. When I say everything I mean it. I start at the moment Coren and I shared his bed and I say every detail of every moment until this point. The only thing I leave out is the fact that all the outsiders are my family and friends.