The Insiders

Chapter 30

Chapter 30- Sharlene

'Coren, keep taking the wall down.' I smile at him as I begin to leave our room after Thomas.

"Thomas!" I shout as I shut the door behind me. Why am I always running after people? After a few minutes of trying to decide which way to go,I decide to go left down the hall. I don't run though, I'm tired of running after people, but I can't just ignore my best friend when something is actually bothering him.

"Thomas." I try again but not as loud. I don't know how long I want to walk after him. I feel I need to. All my 'Friends' and 'Family' back home are trying to kill us. These people are my real friends and family. I need to protect them as much as I can. I turn left around the corner, but before I can stop I crash into somebody. We both slam to the floor. I let out an 'ow' but then look at the person.

"Thomas!" I practically shout in his face. As we both sit up, my eyes adjust and I realize the person I bumped into isn't Thomas.

"Liane?" I ask my voice coming out as almost a whisper. When my eyes are finally in focus I can see that she's wearing a black dress skirt and shirt like she always does. She's bent over picking up stacks of paper that fell. I join her on the ground.

"No, no Sharlene it's okay I can pick them up myself." I ignore her statement as I continue to help. I may have been raised by murderers but I still know respect.

"No it's fine. It's the least I could do-" I stop as a word on a piece of paper catches my eye. It's not a word, it's a name. Peter's name. I look all over the paper. It seems every outsider I know is on this list. Before I can read on, Liane snatches the papers out of my hands. She shoots me a sinful stare as she stands up from the ground.

'What am I going to do? She saw the papers!' I hear Liane think to herself. I need to act like I didn't hear her. I place an innocent smile on my face.

"So sorry I ran into you." I apologize. She doesn't say anything else. She just walks past me. I watch her as she leaves. What else was on that paper? Why was she so secretive about it? I try to bring my mind back into focus. Thomas. I need to find Thomas. I continue down the hall at a brisk pace. I don't call his name anymore. He could be anywhere by now. Even looking for his thoughts could be pointless. I walk and walk but still no Thomas. I begin to make my way back to my room. If Thomas is doing this well of a job at hiding I guess he really doesn't want to be found. As I walk back to my room my thoughts constantly go back to my run in with Liane. What secret is she keeping? Why is it a secret? Does anyone else know about this? The thoughts spin around in my head. I decide that there is no answer. At least not right now. While I begin to dismiss my thoughts another one sneaks into my head. Coren is taking down the wall. We'll be sharing a room soon. A rush of nervousness and excitement causes chills to go up my spine and a smile to appear on my face.

Just as I'm about to turn the corner towards my door, a shadow catches my eyes. I stop and look down the hall. The shadow is near Coren's door. Before I realize what I'm doing, I begin to briskly walk down the hall. What if it's an outsider? My feet slow down. If it is an outsider what will I do? I speed up just a little deciding that if it is an outsider, I can take them. When I'm about three feet away from the shadow I begin to panic. What was I thinking? I can't take an outsider! They're strong and have so much training. The shadow moves towards me which makes me gasp. The shadow sharply turns it's head toward me.

"I thought you might come." Thomas says. I let out a heavy sigh of relief. As I come toward Thomas I realize he's sitting on the ground beside his door.

"Are you just going to sit here?" I ask him. He nods his head but doesn't say a word. He looks away from me and pulls his knees in towards his chest and hugs them with his arms. I decide the only way I'm going to help him is to talk to him. I sit down facing him with my legs crossed. It stays silent, neither one of us wanting to talk. Thomas gives me the odd glare but that's all the communication he gives off. I decide to be the one who breaks the silence.

"What's wrong?"

"I never said anything was wrong." He cooly replies.

"Well I know you and something is wrong."

"Oh really? Where did you get that idea from." Anger begins to boil inside me but I try to control it.

"Well you didn't seem very happy back in there." I explain trying to remain calm.

"Nope." He simply responds. The anger in me is rising very quickly and soon I will explode.

"Everyone else was happy."

"Yeah, I could clearly see that in the way Amy and Bryce were eating each others faces." He coldly remarks.

"Thomas stop it," I begin to lose it. "They're our friends. This is the happiest Amy has been in a while, so just let them be happy!" Thomas sharply turns his head towards me. A rush of fear goes through me as I see the spark of fury in his eyes.

"You know it's kind of hard to watch the girl you love be completely destroyed but even harder to watch her be happy with someone else!" Thomas shouts. Love? Thomas loves Amy? He stands up from his spot and begins to pace in the centre of the hallway as the truth lingers in the air. Thomas loves Amy. Automatically my brain begins to piece everything together. When they first met he choked on his water. He always sat across from her in training. In the defence class, he never fought her. Even when she was beating him, he never fought back. When Joy died he didn't want to let her see Joy. He didn't want her to suffer. Steve stopped him from comforting her. After that day he got really quiet, too quiet. Thomas loves Amy.

Before I realize what I'm doing, I walk up to him, look him dead in the eyes, wind up and hit him on the arm.

"Ow!" He shouts as he grabs his arm.

"How dare you love her? You can't love her!"

"Believe me it's not a choice I would have made." He defends himself.

"Well you sure made it!" he doesn't defend himself so I continue. "You don't only like her but you love her! What's the matter with you?"

"Okay! Okay! Enough!" He stops me from continuing. "Do you think I want to love her, let alone like her? I don't! I know she loves Bryce, even if they haven't said it to each other yet. I've known this for a while. I've tried and tried to stop loving her but I can't. I feel like it's impossible. Everything about her is too perfect for me to just ignore her. Every time they're together it's like watching my soul rip away. Whenever they kiss it's a knife right in my heart. I don't want to love her, but I do and I hate myself everyday because of it." He finishes. He walks over and leans on the wall across from me. I stay where I am and try to process everything.

"Is this why you didn't want Coren to tear down the wall?" I ask lowering my voice to almost a whisper. He nods in response. I let out a heavy sigh and walk over to him.

"I already know they sleep together. Bryce hasn't been in his bed since Joy- you know." He stops himself, not wanting to hurt me. I look at the floor as I try to keep the memories away.

"It's one thing to know and a completely different thing to see it." He says. It may just sound like one simple statement but I know he means more by it. He knows everything but it doesn't mean he wants to see it. Or is it just a completely different feeling?

"We should go back." He suggests interrupting my thoughts.

"Sadly." He adds with a little humour. I smile at the light comment. We begin to walk and as we do I think about Thomas loving Amy. Is it anything like Peter, Coren and I? Is loving someone who will never love you back worse than two people loving you and not knowing which one you love more?