The Insiders

Chapter 42

Chapter 42
Coren, Steve and I walk through the tunnel in complete silence. We walk slowly. It's clear none of us agree with the chips. Once we reach the end of the tunnel, Coren pushes the cabinet open and exits with Steve and I behind him. Steve and I stand there still and silent as Coren pushes the cabinet back. Even then we don't move.
"You two know where to go?" Steve breaks the silence. We both nod. Steve begins to leave. After a small glance at each other, Coren and I follow.
Coren is first to part ways. All three of us stop in front of a training room I've never seen before.
"You will meet me back at the room?" Coren checks. I nod. He then leans in and kisses me on the forehead. Slowly the hand that I've grown used to holding begins to part from mine. Without even acknowledging Steve, Coren opens the door and enters the room. I stand there staring at the door, wishing I could go in there with him.
"C'mon," Steve nudges me. "There's no point in standing here any longer." He continues down the hallway and after a moment, I follow. I don't want to, but I do. I have to get the chip in my arm. There's no way out of it. I've tried figuring out a way, but there isn't one. All too quickly, we reach the training room I was assigned to. I slowly come to a stop. Just when I'm about to open the door, Steve speaks.
"Shar, please try to behave yourself." I do not understand what he means until I open the door. Sitting at the table in front of me is Liane. I whip my head around, trying to find Steve , but he's gone.
"Hello Sharlene." Liane greets me as I shut the door.
"Hi." I reply as I plop down on the black fold-up chair. I look around the cleared training room. It looks the same as ours. The formal meeting area with carpet and brown walls which leads into a big room with hard floors. The room looks the same but feels very different. I guess because the memories aren't in here. Then again, it could be my nerves. I hear Liane begin to open something. I whip my hair around to see her steady hands opening the package of the syringe. That's when I look at the table. There's at least 20 vials of a cream coloured liquid, but I don't see any trackers.
"Where are the chips?" I ask. I do not trust Liane. I do not trust her at all.
"It's in there, don't you worry." She replies, not even glancing at me.
"I wasn't." I lie. She begins to fill the syringe with the cream coloured liquid. My nerves cause a shiver to go up my spine.
"Please take off your sweater." Liane demands. I take off my black zip-up sweater revealing my tight black tank top.
"You know you can stop wearing black, sweetheart," Liane comments. "You do eventually have to stop grieving over everything." I shoot her an evil glare hoping to mask the shock I feel.
"Alright, here we go." Liane says as if forgetting how much we hate each other. She turns toward me, the syringe in her right hand. With a gasp I feel the needle go into my left arm. At first it hurts, but the pain quickly disappears. I then feel her take the needle out.
"I'm done, but you will have to stay here for about five minutes." I let out an annoyed groan. Of course I have to stay here longer. Liane begins to clean and prepare for the next person as I slide my sweater back on. Liane's cruel words keep playing over and over again in my head. Will I ever stop grieving? I don't think I can. It seems whenever I think I might be over it, more comes.
"Don't you ever grieve?" I blurt out, before even thinking. For a moment, I think I might have kept it in my head, but then Liane responds.
"No. Never." She says coldly. I stay quiet trying to figure out how a person could not grieve over anything. Especially here.
"If we're staying, at least let us keep guns in our rooms." I go back to my oldest argument.
"Sharlene-"
"No," I interrupt. "The weapons are okay, but guns are better. When we're up against guns, our weapons are useless."
"I see what you're saying," she says too calmly, making me mad. "But we give you the weapons for a few reasons. One, your powers and the weapons match up. No gun is ever going to improve by your power. Secondly, Outsiders do not understand how to use your weapons so it gives you an advantage. Thirdly, we do not have enough bullets for every Insider to have a gun and unlimited bullets. Should I go on?"
"No," I sigh in defeat. "But I still think we should leave."
"Sharlene we are not leaving. We are perfectly fine here."
"Tell that to Joy and Kim and all the others who have died!" I shout back with hatred.
"Their lives were a great loss-"
"Not to you they weren't."
"Sharlene-"
"Haven't you lost anyone you have ever loved?" I pry.
"The Outsiders do not love us nor do I love any of them." She spits at me.
"So that's why you want us to stay here because you have nothing to lose." Liane slams whatever she is working onto the table.
"You need to drop it Sharlene. We're staying and that's that."
"No, that can't be it. Just because you are a cold hearted snake and do not love anyone does not mean that we should stay here and die off-"
"I love Steve!" Liane screams at me. My jaw drops. No words will come out of my mouth. I'm not sure what's harder to process; the fact that Liane is capable of love, or that she loves my instructor. Liane begins to clean up quickly with a look of embarrassment on her face. I decide to talk.
"You love-"
"Sharlene, I think you should go."
"But-" She turns to me sharply.
"Please," She begs. "Just leave." She continues with the things on the table, her back turned to me. I don't think anything needs to be done on the table, but I ignore it. I stand up and begin towards the door. I stop just before I close it behind me.
"It's the worst feeling isn't it? Loving someone. It's awful because there's nothing you can do about it. You can't turn it off, you just have to keep loving. Everyone thinks it's the best feeling in the world when really it's the worst." I force myself to shut up and close the door.