The Insiders

Chapter 26

Chapter 26 - Amy

Once she's finished telling the story, I remain silent. I don't look at her or anywhere else as I try to process all the information.

"Care to comment?" Sharlene eagerly asks. I know she knows how rude that was by the apologetic look on her face, but she doesn't take it back. I know I wouldn't. I let out a heavy sigh but it turns into a chuckle.

"Girl, I thought I had some serious boy issues in my past, but you win the prize." I laugh a little too hard. The laughter feels good. It feels easy, unlike it has been for the past little bit. I force myself to bring down my laughter as I realize I'm the only one laughing.

"Are you okay?" I ask her. She shakes her head no as a tear runs down her face. I lean over the bed and grab a box of tissues, like I have many times in these past few days. Once I'm upright again, Shar quickly grabs one to try to wipe the continuous tears.

"I should be asking you if you're okay. You shouldn't be asking me." She cries. I hate seeing her like this, but I know she doesn't like it either. I stare at my hands. I can't bear to look at her grieving over my sister. I am so tired of the grief. I need to escape it, but there doesn't seem to be an escape. I see her smile everywhere. I haven't left my room; I'm afraid of finding someone else dead. I make Bryce stay with me he makes me forget some of the pain, but mostly I want him to stay because I don't want to find him in the hallway in a puddle of blood dead beside my sister.

"I'm so sorry!" Sharlene sobs. I can tell she read my thoughts. It's almost like you can feel it. It leaves a trace, a very small trace.

"You heard me?" I ask emotionlessly.

"I'm so sorry! It's hard to control it sometimes." She trails off, looking away from me.

"You do know how sorry I am right?" Shar continues but stares only at the wall. "I've felt some pain in my life, but these past few days have killed me." My chest tightens at the word kill.

"I could have done something. I might have been able . She would still be alive!" She stands up faster than Bryce could and grabs a pillow. She quickly thrusts it across the room. It hits my closet door with a loud thud. I can't be strong anymore. It's taking too much from me. A tear comes down my face. Then uncontrollably more of them follow. Sharlene runs over to grab her pillow.

"Shar!" I scream springing out of bed. I meet her in the middle of the room. I stare deep into her eyes. She drops the pillow and places her head in her hands. She gasps and the tears begin to pool in her eyes as if just realizing what she's doing.

"I'm sorry." She's trying to hold back tears. She drops her hands. I put both my hands in her shoulders.

"It's okay. Do you hear me? It's okay!" I shout. My face is wet with tears.

"But-" She begins.

"No buts. What's happened has happened. It's time to move on!" I tell her, but I think I'm also telling myself.

"Do you really think that? That we'll be able to move on from this?" She asks. She seems like such a child right now. She's actually asking me. She really wants an honest answer.

"I don't know, but I hope we can because I know we can't live like this for much longer. We'll break." Or are we already? Shockingly, Sharlene pulls me in for a hug. We hold each other and feel each others sobs. As we break apart, the door opens revealing all the boys. They're all in a conversation, but as soon as they see us they stop. Shar turns around and is quick to push past them all.

"Shar." Coren begins as he follows her into the hallway.

"Bad timing?" Bryce jokes as he shuts the door. His comment makes me laugh a little before I hurry over to hug him. I close my eyes and sense the heat coming off of his body. Bryce hugs me back around my waist. I slowly open my eyes as I remember Thomas's presence. I stare at his face which holds a sad and worried expression.

"Are you okay?" He mouths. I nod my head just enough so he can see it but not enough for Bryce to feel it and let go.

"You're sure?" He mouths again. That I can't answer. I shake my head no but try to hold my smile on my face because it's been a long time without it and I never want it to leave again.