Gravity

Sickening Sweets

Tootsie Rolls are gross
Chocolate is disgusting
Reeses make make me gag

I find candy distasteful
At least that is what I say when I am offered sweets
I used to like treats and goodies

But I was overweight
Too big in my opinion
And other's opinions as well

I locked away my sweet tooth
And swallowed only meals
That consisted of balanced foods
To become an unrealistic vision
Of beauty

When I lost my grip
And said "Fuck it"
As I unwrapped a Kit Kat bar,
I felt guilty

One bite and it was clear
"You made yourself believe
That a small treat
Was sickening,
But it wasn't"

"And now you can't enjoy
A little sugar without being
Nauseous,
You vain, little thing"

A punishment to yourself
A curse cast by your own hand

To be small and petite
You put aside the thing
That didn't damage you,
The thing that didn't make you
Unhealthy,
Fat,
Or ugly,
Just the thing you
Could easily blame

"Beauty is a sacrifice
Of one's self
Worth,
Confidence,
And health,
When you were already so
Lovely"

"What a shame
It took you so long
To see in a smudge mirror
That you were not
Anything less than others
By physical appearance,
But become less than others
By mental strength"

I will look at pictures
Of the past
And envy myself
For a perfect smile
Completed with a dimple
And wonder why
I thought so poorly
Of myself
On something I didn't really see
But something I conformed to
Because of what another
Will say

What sad,
Sickening sweets,
That will not be eaten
On this occasion
Because of a past mistake
That I have come to realize
Was pointless to make?