Giddy ~ GD

Chapter 18 - Morgan

"Dinner every Friday night." Marissa decided, appalling both Morgan and me. I didn't expect Marissa to adore them so much, but I guess they really did treat her like a queen.

"What? No way. Never. Zilch. Impossible!" Morgan clarified, crossing her arms over her chest. She was such a drama queen. I didn't mind dinners. "No."

"Shall I forbid Ethan then?" Marissa questioned, raising her eyebrow. She did the powerful glare, hypnotizing Morgan into resolving the problem. She growls, walking upstairs. Such a drama queen. "Mrs. Attention Queen."

Marissa curses under her breath, raising her voice to jeer Morgan. Childish, Marissa was. But I laughed along with her, continuing to load the dishwasher.

"Remember what I told you, Jenna." Marissa breaks the silence, resting her sore hands on her hips. Her nails dazzled in shimmery gold flakes, mirroring a goddess. And everything she wore blended in together. She had more fashion expertises than I did, wow. I got out-ruled by a mom.

"Pardon?" I completely lost my train of thought.

"I know you have strong feelings for that boy, Jenna. Remember what I told you. Tell him." She implored, eyes filling with dread. A piece of me broke when I saw such a bold woman break apart, she didn't deserve it. She never deserved cruddy. All she desired was stupendous. Why hadn't she gotten it? "Even if it feels too soon. If you feel it, tell him before it's too late."

The room fell silent. Marissa had delivered yet more depressing love-material, and now I regret everything I've ever done in my entire existence. Why did she have that impact on me? How'd she do it, how were her words so audacious and promising? I couldn't come to a conclusion that each phrase dumped a crap load of depression and questions down on me, but I would have to ignore it.

Maybe ignoring those words weren't the best thing to turn my back on.

~

I was stir-crazy by the end of my arrest. I thought I was in the clear, but undoubtedly, Marissa took it seriously.

Who knew a house so vast, so full of rooms, could be the most boring thing to be in for a whole week. Don't get me wrong, the house is remarkable, but any house would get boring after a week. Especially when you only hang out with the same people.

All Morgan talked about was makeup, parties, and Ethan. Sure, you're happy, but keep it to yourself most of the time? It got so repetitive. Not only the things she talks about are tedious, it's her personality. I love Morgan, but I can not live with her for a whole week without a break. She's so vulgar, inconsiderate, and bland. Everything that girl argued to me was insulting.

"You never talk to me, are you anti-social?"

"Why do you never talk, it's like, so irritating and impolite."

"Ethan is way more fun to hang out with than you."

"I was going to ask if you wanted to swim, but then I realized you're you. You're bland and despicable."

Every day was verbal abuse. I never felt the interest to talk back to her, so I played the silent treatment. I constantly got sick of her, all of my afternoons were spent alone in my room, weeping in my own tears. Oh how badly I just wanted to be with him right now.

I don't know why it was around Ethan that Morgan switched gears, but I loved the four of us being together. Morgan was actually diverting and not being a stuck-up cousin. Ethan definitely changed Morgan, in a way that was indescribable.

Morgan is screaming of joy, dancing around my room. We're finally off house-arrest and the first thing we're going to do today was to see the twins. Be high command of Morgan and me, the boys agreed to meet us at our house. Plainly I wanted to go out, but apparently, I had to do what Morgan wanted.

Stay home and cuddle with them.

Gosh, I might just go mental. She's so narcissistic and manipulative, I want to twist her head off. I don't know what gave her the right to order me around, but her squished up brain thinks it's okay to boss others.

I know, I am going mental. I just can't be around her anymore, it's absurd. It might just be the house-arrest, but I swear it isn't. I finally decided that I needed to release some steam, so I told Morg I'm going out for a run.

"I'm going out," I muttered, putting on my running shoes.

"No, you are not." Morgan turns off the music and placed her hands on her hips. The thing she always does when she's about to lecture me. "The boys-"

"Shut up, Morgan." I cut her off, fed up with her. "Actually. Shut your prissy mouth and leave me the hell alone."

I walked out of my room, slamming the door behind me. It was a little crude to shut her out like that, but it was understandable due to the lack of respect she's shown me throughout this week. All I needed now was fresh air, to clear my mind.

~

My throat tightened as I held back the tears, not accepting weakness. I've cried far too long. I've put others before me, I needed time to myself. All I tried to do was please everyone, and I can't handle it anymore. Why do I always have to be put last?

I try being nice to Morgan, I really do. The way I shut her off was unexplainable, and I already feel bad about it. I want to help Marissa with everything around the house, attempting to persuade her out of my grounding. Why? I'm trying to put myself before others, but my world is collapsing beneath me, and all I can do is watch the grass fall.

I feel like I can't breathe, at some points. My hands get sweaty, my eyes are itchy, my stomach churns, my jaw tightens. Everything around me turns into fire, and I can't escape. There's no escape. I try to find one, but there's an obstacle in the way. Everywhere. Whatever it is, it's hopeless that I can actually figure things out on my own. I can't do anything anymore. The fire is enclosing me, and I can't find a way out. My skin burns, the edges of my face sting my throat, like salt.

The fire is burning my skin. The edges of me turn crisp. I try to find an escape, but how can there be one if all you can find is yourself in defeat, weeping in your own tears. I believe that can put out the fire around me, that embracing defeat will make things better. But it doesn't. All I feel now is the fire enlarging, the body boiling, my tears falling, and all I'm doing is standing, with no movement. I watch the world around me slowly fall apart, and I'm too powerless to do anything. All I can do is watch and cry.

Maybe my escape is love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had technical difficulties with this chapter, and I was on the verge of tears, but it's okay. This last part is iffy, because I was too fumed to re-read what wasn't lost and write on from there. But now it's okay, I don't need to complain.

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES SUCK BYE