Remember Me

Part 1

    It had been a year. A year since it happened. A year since Cas died and left Dean with a hole in his heart that not even time could heal. No matter how hard he tried to forget to move on, he couldn't. Castiel had shown him there was more to life than just living and now he was gone. Everywhere he went Dean was reminded of him. The crystal blue eyes of the diner waitress, the gruff voice of the man at the bar, the tan coat of a businessman on his way to work, the soft flutter of a birds wing.
       Every night his dreams were plagued by the face of his lost friends and he'd wake up dripping in sweat and feeling nauseous after reliving his friends death over and over again. He was gone. Dean's friend, his Angel, his family. Gone. Guilt hung heavily in the air as he sat on his bed, half expecting to hear the flutter of his wings and the light breeze that accompanied them.
          Sam had let and wouldn't be back for a few hours -or so he thought- slowly he stood up for his bed and sauntered sad to his closet with tired and laboured footsteps. Cautiously as if afraid of damaging it, he pulled out the dirty, creased trenchcoat of the deceased Angel.Dean thought back to when he first met cas, he thought back to all the things he sacrificed for him and his brother, all the times he saved him. He didn't realise he was crying until he saw the first dark droplet form on his friend's coat. Within seconds tears were pouring from his sorrow filled hazel eyes as he clutched the trenchcoat  in his fists "it should have been me" he cried as he fell to the floor in a fit of sobs "it should have been me" he said again softer through his tears.
        He didn't hear the door of the bunker close as his brother Sam returned nor did he hear his soft and careful footsteps as he neared his bedroom door. Tears sprung to his eyes as he saw Dean crumpled on the floor clutching the trenchcoat crying. He had never seen Dean looked so damaged and broken. "Dean?" He asked softly "what are you doing?" His brother's tear stained face lifted to look at him "I miss him sammy. I miss him"
"I know Dean I know" Sam pulled Dean into a hug he was still processing Cas' death but he had to stay strong for his brother. Dean pulled away and put away the crumpled trenchcoat. "I'm fine Sammy, I'm fine" and with that he walked out the door. He wasn't fine, Dean knew it and so did Sam. They'd lost people before, but cas was different, he was like their brother. No he was their brother and they couldn't bring him back, they'd spent every waking moment trying to find a way to bring him back but no luck. The one person they wanted to bring back they had no clue where to start.
Sam stared off into space thinking of all the memories: the fights, the laughs, the hunts. He knew he could never do that again neither one of them could feel the same way because they lost someone so close they could never be the same. A tear rolled sam's cheek and clenched his fists "in could've done something" he whispered to himself and punched the mattress "Sammy come here we need to talk" Dean shouted
"Yeah yeah I'm coming" Sam shouted back. He wiped his tears away and walked off but before he shut the door he glanced at the wardrobe where cas' trenchcoat was and smiled "I'm coming Dean"