Will you save me? {Justin Bieber Fan-Fiction}

Relapse

It's 3am and I'm still awake. I can't stop thinking about what happened today. The thought that I'm gonna spend weeks or even months in therapy doesn't leave me cold. It's not that the people there aren't nice but it's different from home. I won't be able to see Justin or my family so much anymore, sure they promised me to visit but they can only stay for half an hour a day as my therapist told me. I've maybe already found some people who really seem to be nice but they can't replace my real friends. I know that I'm gonna feel so alone but I have to do this, maybe I can recover. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep.

I wake up to my phone ringing and see that it's already 7:30am. I jump out of my bed and get dressed in a matter of 30 seconds. I run downstairs and see Justin standing there in tears. I run down even faster to give him a big hug. I think my heart just stopped beating, I can't believe what I'm seeing. Justin's arms are covered in blood. The tears are falling down my cheeks, I just can't and don't want to believe what I'm seeing. He promised me that he stopped hurting himself. This can't be real. He's the one who has been saving me all the time and stopping me from cutting and now he's the one who needs to be saved. I can't find the words to say. I'm just crying in his arms and so is he.

"Justin please no, please don't start to cut yourself again. Please, please, please. What went so wrong in just one night that you feel like this again? Justin, please." With every word I say I start to cry more and more. I've never been so heartbroken before. It's not his fault, not at all. I know that you can't control these things but it just hurts so much to see him like this.

"I'm so sorry okay. I'm so sorry you have to see me like this. I promise you I really never took up a blade for years but yesterday something horrible happened and I just didn't see any other escape. I'm so so sorry. But don't feel like cutting is an escape because it's not, it really isn't but I just didn't have any control of myself. I promise you this was the last time. I will never do it again. I know this isn't right. I'm sorry." His eyes are filled with regret and pain.

"You don't have to be sorry, this is none of your fault. I know exactly how it feels, I know that you have no control of hurting yourself but it just hurts to see you like this, it really does. Just tell me one thing; how do you know you're never going to do this again? And what happened yesterday? Why didn't you wake me up and talk to me? You know I would've been here for you. I will always be here Justin."

"You're right, I can't promise anything but I will try my best that's what matters right? And about what happened.." He takes a deep breath and then slowly starts talking. "One of the main reasons that I've been strong for so long was my best friend Ryan. I don't know why I never told you about him but we've been friends for about ten years and we've literally always been doing everything together. We even got the same tattoo together. He was my rock. Yesterday his mother called me and told me he died. He had cancer for quite a while but the doctors said he could make it, but he didn't. I just can't believe I've lost my best friend. I just don't want to believe it. I can't."

This is just not fair. He's lost his mother and father and now his best friend. Why does bad stuff always happen to the best people, it's really not fair. I try to comfort him with my words but it doesn't really help. I wish I could find the right words to take all of his pain away but I can't. I wish I could help him like he always helps me when I am down. I just try to give him the biggest hug with expressing my love and support towards him and whisper in his ear "he's in a better place now" which is really all I can think of. He gives me a smile and kisses me on my forehead.

I know that his smile is probably not real but it still makes me happy that he's trying to smile. He really deserves nothing but happiness. I don't know why this has to happen to him, he's such a strong person but I know that even the strongest people in the world can break down. I'm gonna try everything that is in my power that he'll never pick up that knife again. Now he's the one who needs to be saved.

{Justin's POV}

I'm pretty tired so I'm gonna go to sleep soon, Hannah is already sleeping or at least she's in her room. I'm going to check if anyone called me today or left me a message because I had my phone turned off all day. 5 missed calls from Ryan's mother, the last call is only five minutes ago so I call her back hoping she picks up. I hope nothing bad happened, I'm in real concern. After just five seconds she picks up and I can hear that she's crying. I'm praying that it has nothing to do with Ryan, or that at least he's still alive. He has to be.

"Okay what I'm going to tell you is going to be really heartbreaking to you. It's about Ryan. His heart stopped beating and we straightly took him to the hospital but he didn't make it. He's dead. He fought so hard but he didn't make it. I'm so sorry Justin I know how much he means to you but know that he's still with us. He will always be with us."

I can't believe what I just heard. I prayed every single day that this wouldn't happen. I know that his chances of surviving were'nt that big but the doctors still said there's hope and I never gave up. I always believed he could fight it. But he couldn't. I'm already in tears of the thought that I will never be able to hug my best friend or just talk to him. We were more than just best friends, we were more like brothers.

"I'm so sorry I have to have some time for myself. My prayers are with you and your whole family but I have to go, I just can't take this right now. Please excuse me. We'll talk later okay? I just can't believe this." I hang up and start breaking down in tears.

I look around me and see the kitchen right next to me. I see no other escape than picking up a knife and slicing it against me skin. I have never felt so much pain in my heart in my entire life. I know this may sound mean but it even feels worse then when I lost my parents. My wrist starts bleeding and after a while it stops hurting so I hurt myself more and more. My whole arm is covered in blood now and I finally realize what I've just done to myself. I hear Hannah from upstairs and straightly start panicking. She can't see me like this, she can't know that I've hurt myself again. But I'm just in complete shock, I can't move at all.

Hannah is coming down the stairs and I'm still standing in the kitchen my arms covered fully in blood. I hear her scream as she notices the blood. Tears are streaming down her face as she comes for a hug. I feel safe in her arms but right now nobody can take away the pain, beside the cutting. I regret what I just did but I would be lying if I said it didn't help even if it was just for a short time, it helped.

I don't feel bad about hurting myself but I do feel bad about hurting Hannah. She always told me that I am the reason that she stopped hurting herself or at least tries to and now I'm the one hurting himself. What a great help. I promised her that I will never ever pick up a blade again but I've broken that promise now. I try to explain everything to her as best as I can. She is so understanding but I know that I broke her heart. I know that she's disappointed in me even though she doesn't want to say it. She is and I am disappointed in myself as well. I thought that I was strong enough to never pick up this stupid blade again, but I wasn't.

It really terrifies me about my future. Will I start hurting myself now again? What if I can never fully recover and always gonna turn to hurting myself in the end? What if I'm the one who can't be saved..