SPRING DAY

summer

"i was surprised, as always, be how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. the world was suddenly rich with possibility."

- jack kerouac -

— × —

tomorrow i'll be going to visit my mum. since i've been really busy with book promotions, i haven't had time to talk to her, much less be with her. so i want to bring her a present.

i smile as i walk past the book aisle and find my book on the shelves. a girl picks up a copy. i tell her she'll love it as i pass by her and she replies with a smile.

i move on to the jewelry store to find something for my mother. just as i ask the attendant for a pretty necklace she might like, i catch a glimpse of you in my peripheral vision.

you're by yourself. i watch as you lean over, pointing at a piece of jewelry in the glass display case.

it's been months since i last saw you yet you look exactly the same. i don't know why that surprises me but it does.

as i stare at you, i don't feel anything strong. no pain. no regret. no hatred. or even the love i used to have. just a subtle sense of nostalgia.

suddenly, your eyes are staring back at me, startling me a bit. instead of turning tail and running like i did before, i smile at you.

you look surprised by my action. i guess you expected me to hate you. i would, if i hadn't moved on. but i have. and i'm okay now.

the attendant hands me the necklace i asked for so i look away from you again. yes, my mum would definitely love this.

i ask for it to be specially packaged before handing over my credit card. while i wait, i sense a presence next to me. your presence. it feels so familiar yet so strange.

you look awkward as you say hello. i smile as i reply with a hello as well. i ask how you've been and you tell me you've been good. i tell you i have as well.

you mention seeing my book and you congratulate me. saying thanks, i ask if you've read it. you show me the book in your hand, making me smile.

i hope you like it. and a part of me hopes you don't feel guilty about how i felt when you read it.

my package is ready and i take it from the attendant. turning to you once more, i say we shouldn't be strangers. even though it just slipped out, i find that i mean it.

and i realise, i am truly okay now. it feels like the me who had felt like the world i was in was caving in is in some distant disparate past.

it is like taking in clean, fresh air after being locked in a burning, smoked filled room for so long.

telling you goodbye, i leave the store. i walk out of the building and it is incredibly bright outside.

i grin as my mind wanders to a song about walking on sunshine. i think i might understand it now.

i place a hand over my eyes to shield them from the brilliant sun. summer is finally here and in full swing.

and my days are looking brighter.

fin

☀☀☀

yas this book is complete. and even though it started out as a mess of garbled thoughts, it came out not so bad in the end.

and in case you hadn't realised, this book was inspired by bts' spring day. (wait have i said that before?)

i tried my best to make it as gender fluid as i could but i'm not very good at that so it might have turned out to imply some sort of gender even though i kept names out of it.

this book is meant to be about moving on from a heartbreak. the difficulties, the pains and the growth. i decided to keep the chapters short because i was afraid of over narrating and over describing.

the general style is for each chapter to have a seemingly random title or subject and somehow relate that to something relevant to the relationship and story.

anyhoo, thanks for reading this loopy story and i hope you liked it. and if you did please leave your comments and votes.

plus, if you actually read this dumb and long a/n all the way to the end, you da real mvp. thank you.

love, t.