SPRING DAY

notebook

"so plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."

- jorge luis borges -

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i decided to do some spring cleaning yesterday. i thought it was about time to get rid of the random things that may count as memorabilia for us.

at the bottom of a pile of old jackie chan movies, i found an old black notebook.

my notebook.

i haven't opened it since i found it yesterday. i stare at it for the longest time as it lay on my lap.

it has my initials at the bottom right corner. i remember this book so well after abandoning it for so long.

slowly and carefully, like it would fall to pieces with one wrong move, i flip it open.

on the inside of the cover is a short note written in beautiful cursive writing. it's my mum's.

write like it's your medicine. give all your feelings to your words for safekeeping. keep your passion alive in this book.

love, mum.

my fingers trace over her words. i'm sorry mum, i let the fire burn out for too long. a single tear rolls down my cheek.

i flip to the first page. i can see my handwriting on the top right corner. it's not cursive and artistic like my mum's. it's long and straight like a type font.

i burst out crying when i read my words in the notebook.

new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. - lao tzu

my first words in my notebook are the words i need to be reminded of the most right now.

even though my chapter with you has ended, my story isn't over. i have to leave the page i'm stuck on so i get to the rest of the story.

i want my new chapter. i want my new beginning. the one without you.