SPRING DAY

new tattoo

"there was a flower in her heart, it just needed more room to bloom. and when she let it free, she showed the world that sometimes the most beautiful things can grow in the darkest of places without the need of light."

- r.m. drake -

— × —

i think of you less and less these days. ten seconds changed to ten minutes then to an hour. i went the whole of yesterday without a single thought of you crossing my mind.

i even went clubbing last night. a couple of friends from work invited me and i said yes.

and although i woke up this morning with the worst fucking hangover ever, i don't regret it. i can't remember the last time i genuinely had so much fun without you.

i'm getting a new tattoo today. it's going below my willow tree tattoo. it's just four simple words.

be happy for you.

it's a message to myself. i need to be happy for myself. with myself. by myself. i don't need to put my happiness in someone else's hands.

and that's what i plan to do. be happy for me. do things for myself. love myself. i want to learn to be alone and not be defined by someone else. by you.

i haven't taken a trip in a while so i'll be doing that more often. i'm visiting my mum next weekend. i've missed her.

i want to find out how she's been doing. i want to let her know how i've been doing. and that i've been writing again. doing what i love like she wanted me to.

i hear the familiar buzzing as the tattoo pen machine is turned on ready to fill my skin with colour. i already picked out the font and style i wanted.

i shut my eyes and bite my lip as i feel it getting closer to my skin. the tattoo artist chuckles. he's the same person that did the willow tree tattoo for me.

he tells me i'm adorable before pressing it to the skin on my upper arm. somehow it hurts less than the last time.

maybe i'm used to the pain. or maybe i finally let go of some of it.