SPRING DAY

a hero

"i knew what i wanted to run to. but it didn't exist, so i didn't leave."

- chimamanda ngozi adichie -

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it feels like you've always been a part of my life. you were always there from the beginning.

that is what makes this so fucking hard to deal with. you're in damn well near all the worthwhile memories i've made for myself.

it's been so long, but how we met is still imprinted in my mind. even though i should have been too little to recall it so well.

it was kindergarten. and i was playing with my new play-doh during recess by myself. it was all good until i decided to find out what play-doh tasted like.

and like the idiot that i still am, i stuffed a huge lump of it down my tiny throat. naturally, i began to choke.

luckily, you chose that exact moment to walk in. i'm starting to wonder if that was really good luck. perhaps, it would have been better to have choked than to ever have met you.

instinctively, you pulled a move close to the heimlich. and to be honest, i could've died from the force you used.

once i had gotten over the shock of almost dying, i'd looked up to find you smiling at me. i remember thinking it was the nicest smile i'd ever seen.

i maintain that thought even today. even after everything. yeah, i'm a dumb fuck.

i smiled back, thanking you for saving me. i called you my hero. and i think that was the first of my mistakes.

i really did see you as my hero from that day. as did you. because you were constantly saving me, i came to rely on you too much.

i had you, so i never learned how to be my own hero. i didn't think of the possibility that one day, you'd be too busy saving yourself to save me.

☀☀☀

this chapter was inspired by a quote i saw by someone who goes by c.t.