SPRING DAY

the movies

"when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. that's what this storm's about."

- haruki murakami -

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i'm trying to get out more. so i'm going to the movies. the last time i was here, i was with you.

as i'm getting a bucket of popcorn, my mind unwittingly wanders to you. you always used to bring your snacks.

even though it wasn't allowed, you always found a way to sneak them in. you always used to stuff a whole bunch of them in your clothes.

you'd rather bring your own sweets than buy anything at the movies. i used to joke that you were just cheap. and you'd say that you didn't care.

i go for comedy. hopefully, it would actually make me feel better. it doesn't really.

everyone around me is laughing but i just watch the screen, stuffing my face with handfuls of popcorn. it's not that i don't find the movie funny.

it's just that i keep picturing you next to me, bursting out in uncontrollable laughter.

that wheezing sound you make when you laugh and how you always let out a little snort at the end. i can almost hear it in my head.

this sucks balls. i can't even go to the movies and not think about you. you were too big a part of my life.

and i just want to let you go. the same way you let me go without a thought. how was it so easy for you? it makes me wonder if you ever truly loved me.

and suddenly i'm fighting the urge to cry while everyone else is laughing at the hilarious scenes in front of us.

i haven't felt like crying in so long. this time it's not because you left me.

the tears roll down my cheeks this time because i lost something special and i don't even know when it slipped through my fingers.

i can't believe it took me going to the movies to realise why letting go of you is so hard.