One Hundred Letters for James

034

034:

Ice Skating

(Ryan hasn't talked to me in a week. I'm so scared, James. Scared for you, scared for Ryan, and scared for myself.)

I used to ice skate, when I quit dancing, because it was pretty similar and I enjoyed it.

Ever Sunday, I'd go in to the rink and practice for an hour or so before going back home.

It was November when I saw you there. With Lisa, or maybe her name was Louise, I don't know. You changed girlfriends like you change socks.

You were so lovey dovey with her, and I hated it, I still hate just thinking about it, because is it fair that you can go around completely comfortable with your love life when I can barely touch another guy without you there, in the back of my mind?

I thought you'd see me there, but you didn't, did you? I'm not important when you have other girls around, am I?

I used to think I could get over you. I know I can't. How can I, when you've made such a dent in my happiness, in my life?

I know I've barely lived half of my life, but is that really so true? I'm not really living anyway.