I'm Not Like Him [boyxboy]

Chapter 12

She didn't come back.

She left after revealing her true feelings for me. I don't plan on telling River, I don't think he needs to know. I've tried calling her but she's ignoring me.

Fuck, I've messed things up.

Sure, I want her to be less full on but not like this. I feel like I've lost her and I know I can't have it both ways but I feel kind of empty.

Since I've been here, all I know is Taylor. She's there when I go to sleep, when I wake up and before I go to work. She's something to come home to so I don't feel lonely.

Of course, I value her. Of course I do. Maybe I love her too. I mean, I think I do.

River's just come and fucked up my mind and my feelings. Talking about shit like being a couple and sleeping with me. I like it, obviously but it's not right. It's not normal.

Now that Taylor's gone, she's not going to come back.

It's been days since she left and I feel awful.

I want her.

I need her.

She hasn't come back for her things but I know that when she does, she's not going to leave again.

I'm going to tell her I love her so she doesn't go. Yeah, she has flaws but so do I. We've both slept with people we shouldn't have but it's done now. We need to turn over a new leaf, start again.

Band practice has been good and I'm plastering on fake smiles but they know something's up. They're just not letting on that they do.

I haven't slept with River ever since she left. You'd think I would, given the circumstances and all but I haven't.

In fact, I've ignored him and I know he's pissed off with me but I don't care.

Tay is what matters.

Maybe she left because I'm horrible to her. She probably knows what I think about her but I take it all back. She's one of the best things about me but she's gone.

Fuck.

*

I hear the door open and I stand up. The sound of a pair of heels on the wooden floor means that she's here. Finally.

"Taylor!" I gasp. Her eyes are rimmed red. They're not as beautiful as River's but I don't think about that now. He doesn’t matter anymore.

"I've come for my things." She states flatly, twisting her hair up into a bun.

"So, we're really over?" I ask but she doesn't respond. She goes into the bedroom, picking things up but I stop her and place a hand on her arm. "I am so, so sorry." She looks me in the eye and she knows that this apology is different. It's genuine.

"Alex, you can't keep doing this to me." She speaks quietly, wiping her cheeks.

"I know I'm a terrible person. But please, you can't leave. I need you." I admit, waiting for her response. She sighs and sits on the edge of the bed.

"I can't be with someone who isn't willing to put any effort into the relationship." She tells me, taking my hands into hers.

"I know you can't but I've realised something, Tay. I do love you. Of course I do, you mean everything to me." I say to her, kissing her on the forehead. A smile creeps onto her face and she leans into me, hugging me.

"That's good to know." She speaks, wrapping her arms around my middle.

"So, are you staying?"

"That’s all I needed to hear, Alex."