I'm Not Like Him [boyxboy]

Chapter 14

It's cloudy.

And there's fog.

The weather's apt for what I'm feeling.

Taylor's still here and River's still got a boyfriend.

Nothing's changed.

I want to tell him that I need him. Well, not need, more of a want.

But I can't.

I've got too much pride.

I'm just feeling lonely and I'm singing empty words in front of the band.

Elliot's said something funny and they're all laughing. I missed the joke.

“Have you called Eddie, Alex?” Kellin asks. I snap out of my reverie and swallow hard. They're all expecting an answer.

“What?” I say unintelligently.

“I said, have you called Eddie?” He repeats, his expectant gaze not faltering.

“No, not yet. I'll go down there today.” I reply, not thinking about who is going to be there in the evening.

“Cool. You know you said something about writing your own songs, well can we see them?” He questions, raising an eyebrow. I instantly look down at my guitar, pretending to tune it.

“Oh, erm...” I bite my lip, feeling anxious. If I let them hear it, I'll be vulnerable. They've all got eager faces on and I can't say no. “Sure.”

My voice is reluctant but they don't pick up on it. I go over to my bed and kneel down, feeling for my notepad amongst all the other pieces of junk under there. I pull it out and hold it close to me, going over to the guys. Isaac's looking at me, a knowing glint in his eyes. It's almost like I can read his mind.

Have you got any songs in there about River?

I haven't, no.

I haven't had the time to write any about him.

Doesn't mean I haven't thought about it, though.

“Wow, these are amazing!” Elliot comments, his face lighting up. I smile briefly at him, feeling a little tense.

“He's right, they're awesome!” Kellin agrees, handing the book back to me. I grab it and put it back where it belongs.

My whole life is in there. Everything about my dad, the things I could remember about my mother and all the moving around.

“They're autobiographical, aren't they?”

“What?” I narrow my eyes, looking at Elliot.

“They're about you.” He states, a sad glint in his eyes.

I may as well be open with them.

“Yeah,” I nod, “they're about me.” Nobody says anything and it's silent for a few moments until Isaac knocks down a flower pot with his bass guitar. He widens his eyes, an apology about to tumble out of his mouth. I start laughing and the others join in.

“You absolute idiot.” I chuckle, bending down to pick up the pieces.

“I'm terribly sorry!” He apologises, blushing.

“It's fine, don't worry. I didn't like it anyway.”

It was Taylor's.

*

I walk into Eddie's bar and stop dead in my tracks.

He's here.

I suppress an anguished shout and hide inside one of the booths. He hasn't seen me yet. River's working behind the bar and Eddie's in the corner, meaning I'd have to walk directly in front of the person I don't want to face.