I'm Not Like Him [boyxboy]

Chapter 16

There's a huge time skip here. It's been about two months since the last chapter and I did that so the story moves on a little. I think you'll be pleased with me with this chapter and I hope you like it. Vote, comment and fan ♥

I quit my job at the music store a few weeks ago so I could focus on the band's music career. I had some savings meaning I could afford to do that. Taylor hadn't come back to haunt me which was a bonus. John Sampson has really helped us and we got the record company's red seal of approval which meant that we were able to get some studio time. For some reason, I feel really accomplished because I know how it feels to play really shitty gigs even if my band mates don't. I like Isaac, Kellin and Elliot. They're good people and because we're in a band, I've gotten to know them very well. I wouldn't dream of screwing them over in any way because without them, there would be no band. Remember Us Later would never exist. I've also promised myself to not let this get to my head and if everything does go well and we make it, I've told myself that I'm not going to hog the limelight because I've seen that happen and it's unfair. The other guys deserve to be seen as well.

The only thing constantly weighing me down is River. He's still with Danny and they're still having fun like new lovers do which is good for him, I suppose. However, he's been acting quite cold all of a sudden. I just don't know how to deal with all of these mood swings he has. Sometimes, he's okay with me and I can see that his eyes hold a certain kind of longing and sadness but I pretend not to see that because he tries to hide it. Other times, he acts like he can't stand me and I'm okay with that too because I can understand why he would hate me but then he acts like I don't exist and that hurts. It's like we've never met and it feels like I've been stabbed repeatedly. I prefer it when he hates me because at least he's acknowledging my existence then.

I've been telling Isaac all of this because somehow, it's easier to talk to him than to let everything rot in my mind. He's a good friend and he talks to me too. He tells me things about his home and how his parents don't support him having a career in music. I know how that feels. I don't have any siblings and I don't know where my dad is anymore. I lost track of him a few years ago and I doubt he cares about me. For the past two months, all I've done is write music. I've written pages and pages of songs but most of them are just random words on a page, they're not usable. I've also gone through the motions of everyday life and I've been to different offices to try and get us on our feet. Obviously, River's occupied my head a lot throughout.

I want to tell him how I feel and on some days, I feel like that’s the day I'm going to confess everything but I don't. I don't have the balls. He's the one person who can break me with a few words and that terrifies me because I can't do anything about it. He can also make me feel excited and he can flood my stomach with those stupid butterflies but right now, he's not really doing either and that's just boring.

I've kind of forgotten how to be completely happy and at peace with myself because I haven't felt that in a few years.

I didn't really know what I had until I screwed it up and he left me.

*

“So, we've tracked the guitars and we've tracked the vocals. Elliot, you need to track the drums and Isaac, you need to do the bass.” I organise as the others nod.

“We should get it all done in our next studio session.” Kellin says, lifting his beer bottle to his lips.

“So, are we all clear?” I ask, leaning back in my seat.

“Yeah.” Isaac and Elliot said in unison. We're recording one of our songs for our new EP that's meant to be released next Fall. We seem to be on the right track and everything seems to be going to plan but that can change as nothing is set in stone.