All that's lost

15 part 1

Camila's Pov:

Welp, today's the day. School has been over and it is now the beginning of September of my sophomore year. Today is my last full day in my city. Tomorrow I have to drive to my parent's work then we are going together staying the night in a hotel then in the morning we are going to the airport and I'm flying by myself to New York to meet other exchange students from the U.S. that are also going to Italy. My bags are packed with my favorite clothes and other essentials. One of the essentials is my build a bear bunny. I sit on my bed holding it while smiling sadly at it. I haven't talked to the person that got me this since the end of July.

-Flashback March 4th-

"Camila! Time to get up! They're picking you up in an hour!" my mom yells from the stairs. I groan and get up. Today Lauren is taking me to Build a Bear for my late birthday present. Stacy, Emily's friend that lives with the Jauregui's often because her home life isn't well off, is driving. I like Stacy she's funny and care free. Even though she's a junior she talks to me when I see her in the halls. She has dark hair and tan skin with soft brown eyes. I get up and pull out an outfit after checking the weather. I pull out jeans, t-shirt, and convers with a light purple bow. I curl my hair and put on makeup. After I'm done eating I get a text from Lauren saying they're here. "Bye mamma!" "Bye Karla! Have fun!". I rush out the door and get in the car. During the long hour and a half drive we talked and jammed out to different music. Lauren would look at me from the passenger seat often and make eye contact then smile and look away. Every time she does this it sends a furry of butterflies swarming in my stomach. My feelings have been even more out of hand due to how affectionate Lauren has started to become. Lately she hugs me more often and mindlessly brushes my arm with hers every so often and when we are standing near each other she leans some of her weight on me. Lauren really knows how to make me anxious and freak out a little on the inside...okay maybe a lot. We reach the mall and Lauren grabs my hand and we walk to Build a Bear while Stacy goes to H&M. Tingling is slowly but surly spreading from our hands to the rest of my body. If just holding hands does this to me then I am scared to know what would happen if we did other things. Lauren pulls me into the store and we go to pick something out. I search and finally decide on a tan bunny. Lauren decides she wants a Build a Bear too so she picks out a black dog. We stuff our animals and when it's time to put in the heart Lauren stops me. "How about we do each others hearts?" I look into her now blue shimmering eyes and smile getting the all to familiar butterflies, "Sure" I watch as she grabs a heart and cups it then whispers to it. Once she whispers she looks over to me and gives a shy smile. After she puts it into my bunny then the guy closes it. I pick out a heart and whisper to it with my biggest wish, "Please let Lauren love me the way I love her, please." I pull away then pull it back so I can add on, "Oh! And keep her safe while I'm gone and remind her that I love her when I can't tell her myself." I smile satisfied with my wishes then put it into her dog. "Wha'd you say to my heart?" I turn to Lauren smiling. "That's non of your business missy!" I say while she playfully pouts at me and whines, "Ahhh come onnnn Camz! Pweeeezzzzz" I quickly turn so her puppy face wont get to me, "No Lauren. You can find out another time...maybe. Or if you tell me what you said to mine" I say while lifting up an eyebrow. "Nope. Not gonna happen" she says, "Guess we'll never know what each other said." "Guess not" I add on. We then spent time picking out an outfit. I chose to make mine a ballerina and she made hers wear a sequins dress. I named mine Roo and she named hers Anabel. While Lauren paid I watched her grab some bows that matched my ballerina outfit and put them in my box. I smile and her action and feel my heart warm.

I sit there and feel dampness on my cheeks. I didn't even realize I was crying. I slowly wipe my tears even though they are replaced quickly. I still don't know the reason as to why Lauren cut me out of her life. We were fine...better than fine! and then she started being distant and now we don't even text each other. I had a going away party yesterday at my lake cabin and she didn't even come. I haven't seen her since the end of July and it pisses me off. But not only that I have such a big mix of feelings about this situation that I don't even know what I would do if I saw her again. I mean come on. Whatever problem she has she can talk to me and we can work it out together. I don't want to leave our relationship bad for 11 months it might just ruin us. I clutch Roo to my stomach tightly and lay on my side in a fetal position while I continue to cry. She's leaving me heartbroken. After awhile I don't even know what I'm crying about. I'm just letting all my emotions loose. The stress, the worry, the sadness, the anxiety and the knowledge that I wont see any of my friends and family face to face for 11 months. It's just all getting to me.

After all my tears have fallen I get up and wash my face. I spend the day home with my parents. We watch TV and I have my corgi, Duchess, laying on my lap resting while I sooth her fur. After dinner my parents and I head upstairs to bed. My parents are leaving early for work tomorrow so they can finish everything before we head to the hotel. I let Duchess follow me upstairs to sleep with me because I'll miss her more than anything. She's my best friend and always cheers me up or distracts me from things I'd rather not think about. Who needs a journal when you can just tell your dog anything? Tonight she is going to distract me from everything I cried about today. I laydown and feel Duchess crawl under the covers then lay against my side to cuddle. I smile to my self before whispering, "Night Duch, sweet dreams". I feel her snuggle closer as if to say the same to me then I slowly drift to sleep hearing the rain starting to fall.

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Lauren's Pov:

'What am I doing here. I shouldn't be doing this...' I think as I continue walking to the house. To HER house. The person I fear the most. The person who has made my life even more confusing and stressful. I feel the rain continue to soak my clothes causing my bones to ache from the coldness. I have been walking for almost an hour now and it's hard for me to see because it's still early in the morning and the rain is relentless today. I shiver as I feel a gust of wind hit my body. The trees around me are swaying at dangerous angles and their branches are threatening to snap any second. 'This is so stupid. I'm so stupid. So fucking stupid.' I shake my head and continue walking. It has to be now. I can't let myself hurt her any longer. I quickly conclude with what I am, 'I'm confused, stupid and selfish. And I am doing this because I am. And I did those things because I am. Those three things together aren't a good mix in a person.' I consider turning around and going to someone else's house. 'It's too late now because I'm already here'. I look up at the now terrifying house as the first flash of lightning strikes. This is the house I dread so much because of who's in it...

Author's note:

Dun dun DUUUUNN!! :) What do you guys think? Why's Lauren ignoring Camila? Who's house is Lauren at? Who's she afraid of? I decided I wanted to leave a cliff hanger rather than continue so a part 2 is coming soon! Currently losing sleep to write most of it haha:)

Hope y'all had a good weekend! I did! I finally got to let lose and party. Plus I finished my senior project finally! The stress has been slightly lifted! The party was at my cabin with a few other people. It was amazing even though it was raining hard. BTW me and my guy friend were the raining beer-pong champs of the night. haha:P I came up with the most delicious concoction ever that night: take a Mint Oreo (The green filling ones not the thin mint looking ones) split it in half and roast a marshmallow then put it in between the oreo and oh my gosh. HEAVEN! It's the perfect minty sweetness. It's to die for. Try it and tell me if you like it:) Comment and vote and all that jazz! LOL (Lots of Love) ;)