All that's lost

P2 Ch2

Camila’s Pov:

 “I’m such a bad person” I continue to slightly rock Lauren while she sniffles. “No you’re not. Don’t say that” I say while feeling my fingers comb through her hair soothingly. “Yes I am, I hurt people around me all the time and most importantly I hurt you.” She says while burying her head into my chest further. “You didn’t know you were hurting me. You didn’t do it on purpose. I know you and I know you like to have attention from many people. If we were to date it does make me worry. I don’t want you to be with anyone else but me.” I move my hand from her hair to her arm tracing patterns on it, “I’m not a selfish person and you know that but there is no way in hell I would ever share you.” I smile while looking down at Lauren who looks up at me with a slight smile and I watch as a small giggle slips from her lips. “I wouldn’t want to be shared if I had you Camz and I would never want someone to have you while I have you” I feel my heart speed up at her words and a small sweet smile makes its way to my face. She shifts her body so she is sitting up more level to me while still on my lap. I lift up the hand that’s not helping support her and wipe off remaining tear streaks. I smile softly to her while I rest my hand on her cheek. Lauren returns the soft smile while leaning her head into my hand and closing her eyes while sighing. This is how it should be. Lauren and I together enjoying each other’s company not caring about what will happen next and just living in the moment. I know that I have to be much more understanding with her and even though I don’t like the fact that she’s still with Zayn I understand that she needs time to deal with him if she really wants to be with me. “Camz?” Lauren asks while snuggling back into my chest, “Hmm?” I ask while resting my head on the top of hers. I hear her sigh and slightly shake her head, “Nothing” she mumbles happily while her warm breath sends my heart fluttering while it caresses the exposed skin on my chest, “I’m just glad you’re back”. I smile and kiss her head lightly before whispering, “I’m glad I’m back too”.

After a while of us just cuddling we hear someone open up the door. Lauren quickly jumps off my lap while I pushed her off to hurry her. We settle in normal positions and try to act like nothing happened. Even though I want to be with Lauren I have no intention on people finding out about my sexuality anytime soon and judging by Lauren jumping off of me she doesn’t want people to know either. Lauren and I make eye contact understanding each other. Her eyes are swollen from crying but not as bad as they were before. She quickly leans forward and wipes my cheeks clearing tear trails then leans back quickly as the footsteps grow louder. “Hey girls!” we both look up and smile at Clara and greet her. “Are you going to stay for dinner?” she asks me while looking between Lauren and I. I can see worry quickly make its self across her face but she smiles ignoring our slightly puffy eyes and awkward sitting positions. I shake my head, “No I can’t. My mom wants me to be home as much as possible” I look at the time on my phone and realize that it’s later than I thought it was. “I should actually be heading home now” I say while standing up. “Do you need a ride honey?” I nod my head and turn to look at Lauren. She stands up beside me and gestures towards the door with her head. I smile at Clara and she brings me into a hug, “It’s so nice to see you again. You comeback whenever you want sweetie” we part and smile at each other, “It was nice to see you too”.

 I follow Lauren out the door and we head to her Jeep. “Wow” I say while catching my first glimpse of it. “Camz meet Jennel” she says while motioning towards her bran new 4 door white Jeep Wrangler with a black hardtop. “This car fits you so well.” I say while slightly shaking my head in amazement. She just smiles at me and opens her door and gets in. Once we’re both inside my nose is filled with the new car smell along with some of Lauren’s sweet and musty smell. I inhale deeply in taking the lovely aroma then release it with a content smile. “So when did you get her?” I ask while Lauren pulls out of her drive way making her way to the main road. “A week ago” she says while patting her steering wheel happily, “It’s exactly what I wanted. Want to put on some music?” she asks while handing me her IPhone and then pointing to the auxiliary cord. I grab the cord plug in her phone and scroll through her music trying to find something. I decide to put her music on shuffle to make it easier and the first song is a Mac Miller song. I put her phone down and we sit in silence while the music plays quietly in the background. After 5 minutes of driving Lauren’s phone vibrates. “Will you look at that?” she asks while still looking forward driving on the road that’s surrounded by forest. I reach and grab her phone, “1465” she says still looking straight ahead. I unlock her phone and open her messages to find a new one from Zayn. I feel myself starting to get jealous and a little ticked. I take a deep breath reminding myself that Lauren isn’t mine so I shouldn’t get mad. I open the text and read it out loud for Lauren, “It’s from Zayn, he said: I can sneak in tonight, then put a winky face…” I feel my blood boil thinking about what would happen if he went to her house tonight. I look over at Lauren and her face is slightly blushing but her hands tighten on the wheel. She clears her throat, “Um…okay. Thanks”. “Do you want me to text him back?” I ask while glancing at what Lauren said before Zayn replied. I feel my heart fall reading that Lauren asked him to sneak in tonight to have some fun. “Uh, no it’s fine. I’ll text him later.” She says while her voice sounds tight and nervous. I put her phone down and face out the window. After a while of sitting in silence Lauren begins to talk, “Camila...?” I continue to look out the window observing the passing trees not looking at her, “Yes?” I say snapping a little. I feel her staring at me but choose to ignore it. “We should talk.” I look over at her and nod my head, ‘understanding Camila, understanding’. She pulls her car over to the side of the road and puts it in park then turns it off leaving us in silence, “Okay, first I would like to say sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten upset over reading that text it’s not my place to. We aren’t dating, you and Zayn are. Secondly I understand that you can’t just dump him randomly. If you did he would ask why and you wouldn’t be able to tell him.” Lauren looks at me and gives a sad smile, “I’m sorry too Camz. I shouldn’t have had you read that to me, I wasn’t thinking.” We sit for a minute pondering our thoughts, “So, how are we going to do this?” she asks while gesturing between us with her hand. I think for a little then get an idea, “Well…I know I don’t want to come out just yet and I’m guessing neither do you…” I watch as she nods her head confirming my suspicion, “so if we date it would be in secret and honestly I don’t think that would be a bad thing.” She raises one eyebrow in question so I continue, “If my parents knew I was dating someone that person would never be allowed to spend the night and if I was to hang out with that person I would have a curfew. So you being my friend and also a girl which is a bonus because we can sleep at each other’s houses and hangout as much as we want, we could sleep at each other’s houses and not get bothered. So here’s my plan, as much as I hate the fact that you’re dating Zayn you should keep dating him and I will date Harry.” “I hate Harry” Lauren mumbles clenching her hands into fists, “He’s such an ass.” I smile at her words already knowing that they don’t get along from experience on our double dates. “Are you jealous?” I ask while smirking. She looks up at me and her cheeks turn red, “What? No, no I’m not!” I smirk more and lean over to poke her cheek, “Oh really?” she pushes my hand away while smiling. I observe how cute her behavior is and relax at the comfortable atmosphere that has spread around us from our flirting. “Anyway, I think it would work out well. We could go to Jimmy’s house parties with the boys and the usual group you go with since I plan to go to some now” I stop for a second and decide to play with her, “I know how much you like to make guys hot and bothered… you can do that with me but no one else.” I say while leaning closer to her lowering my voice in a seductive way. Lauren’s eyes lock with mine then look at my lips. I pull my lip between my teeth playing with her more and instantly enjoy the way her eyes change to show wanting. She leans forward and whispers seductively, “Might as well start practicing…” she crashes her lips onto mine and I can’t help the moan that slips from my throat due to being caught off guard. I can feel the urgency through her kiss and respond back straight away. She unbuckles her seat belt and climbs onto my lap straddling me without breaking our lip lock. I wrap my arms tightly around her waist while her arms go around my neck pulling it closer. Her lips feel like heaven on mine while our lips move together perfectly with just the right amount of suction. I take her bottom lip and suck on it while brushing my tongue along it enjoying the taste. Lauren lets out a moan that sends shivers of lust down my body and I let my hands untuck her shirt and wander around her stomach caressing her smooth skin. My hands make their way down to her butt and squeeze enjoying her muscular asset that I have always admired causing an appreciative moan to come out of her mouth and into mine. Lauren’s hands move to cup my face and deepen the kiss more before shoving her tongue into my mouth claiming it and causing me to moan. Want and desire come over me and I move my hands under her shirt moving up to brush under her bra before forcing their way under it and cupping her breasts and squeezing. “Camz!” Lauren gasps out of shock and pleasure. I continue to move my hands eagerly wanting to make her feel good but Lauren’s hands release my face and grab my hands pushing them down gently then separating from our kiss. We stare at each other panting trying to control our breathing. “wh-why did you s-stop?” I ask while panting. Lauren leans back and smiles at me, “Because, if I didn’t stop you our first time would be in my Jeep.” She says then laughs slightly, “But I’m not against us doing it at some point in here. Always wanted to do it in a Jeep” a blush spreads across my face and I look down hiding it until I feel her finger lift my chin to look at her. I look into my beautiful friend’s eyes then observe all of her amazing attributes from her widows peak to her lovely chin. “Don’t’ hide your face from me” she leans forward to connect our lips for a gentle and caring kiss. She pulls away with a soft smile and I return the smile while my heart swells with happiness. “You know, you’re the first person I have kissed in Jennel.” I smile at her words and see the smirk on her face teasing me as always. I chuckle at her and feel the urge to just have her close so I pull her into me and she lays on my front tucking her head between my neck and shoulder while her hands make their way under my arms to surround my torso. I tighten my arms around her pulling her closer to my body absorbing and welcoming the warmth and familiar butterflies that only Lauren is able to make so strongly appear in my body. I sigh at the contact and close my eyes wanting to pause time to stay like this forever. “Cam?” Lauren says while gently stroking my lower back where my shirt rose up from our make out session. “hmm?” I question in response, “I know this isn’t my business but I was wondering if…you were…um still haven’t, you know…done it?” “Like had sex?” I feel her nod her head confirming my guess, “No, I still haven’t” I say while heat rises to my cheeks. I hear her let out a breath and sigh, “Okay” I feel her cheek move and know she’s smiling and I smile in response while the butterflies start to swarm.

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“OH MY GOSH!” I yell while jumping up in shock and startling Lauren causing her to almost fall backwards. “What!?” she asks while looking around, “What’s wrong?”. I feel the vibration again under my butt and reach for my phone while laughing, “Sorry, I must have dosed off and my phone woke me up by vibrating against my butt and it scared me” she laughs at me, “You’re such a dork” I just stick out my tongue before answering my phone, “Hello?” “Karla! Where are you! Dinner is done and you were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago!” “Sorry mami! I’m on my way home right now” “Okay well hurry up! Te amo” “Si mami, te amo” I hang up my phone and playfully push Lauren towards the driver’s side and she crawls over. “Chill girlie. I’m movin I’m movin!” her butt gets in my face so I slap it earning a shriek from Lauren then a glair after she sits down. I just give her a cheesy toothless smile while squinting my eyes. I watch as she rolls her eyes then buckles herself in and starts the Jeep.

Lauren and I talk about random things while we reach my house. I watch as she pulls into my long driveway and puts her Jeep in park. “So, Johnny is having a party the day after tomorrow. Want to come?” Lauren asks with a smile on her face. “Sure! I’m supposed to be home that day so it will work perfectly!” “Okay! I’ll pick you up and we can get ready at Vero’s house then go together” “Sounds good! Well I’ll see you then!” I lean over and kiss her on the cheek then get out of her Jeep while hearing Lauren say bye. I walk up to my house and pull out my keys and unlock the door. After a boring dinner I walk to my room and start to strip and go to take a shower while Duchess follows me to my room. While relishing in the warm water my thoughts drift to Lauren and our relationship. ‘Are we a thing or just friends with benefits? Probably the later choice… When will we only see each other? No fake boyfriends. Does Lauren even want to breakup with Zayn? I wonder if he snuck in yet…’ I close my eyes trying to banish the unwanted thought and images showing Lauren and Zayn being intimate. Not a sight I want to imagine. Thinking of her with someone bothers me on a deep level and the sooner she’s mine the better. I let out a big sigh and turn off the water to get out. After drying and brushing my teeth I get in bed wearing nothing but a tank top and underwear. I feel Duchess walk over to me and snuggle into my side. I mindlessly stroke her fur letting my thoughts go and slowly drift to sleep.

Author’s Note:

Okay, so so so so so so so so so so *intakes air* so so so so soooo sorry for not updating in a long ass time. I thought I would have a bunch of time over the week because I was on break but I ended up being busy everyday so I ended up not even having a break L everyday I was in a car for at least 3 hours traveling and it sucked butt. So I hope the Camren in this chapter will make up for the long wait. Vote and comment please!:)