i have this fear of losing friends & ending up all alone. now, you might look at that & think "nah she'll never lose me as her friend" but it's already happened this year. granted it was me who cut it off, i still lost someone who i thought was going to be in my life for a long time- forever. i believed all of it, leaving me standing here more terrified of my fear. that friendship was a toxic mess because it just wasn't flowing the way a friendship would flow, but she was a fine young lady that i got to know. i would never take it back.
but anyway
i have this best friend.
if you know me, you know who it is.
i would never ever trade her for the world. one thing we let each other know is we will never leave each other. now in a friendship-friendship i would never say that bc i know for a fact that that person will leave me. but in this case, it's different. very different. i mean every single word bc she is not someone that i ever want to lose in my life ever. when she says it to me, i can feel the commitment & love. we've both been through so many friendships that we understand each other's situations. we're both in this until we die. let me tell you, that's all i've ever dreamt of. & even though my fear still haunts me, im slowly coming to terms with it bc people will come & go in life no matter what circumstance. people will leave you in the cruelest way possible. they will tear your heart out & rip it to shreds. they will get an army of your so called "pals" & pin them against you. they use social media to spread your personal shit to people you don't even know. but that's okay. it's okay bc i'd rather have my best friend by my side than the people who claim to be your friend bc it will make their social status look good. she's real. she doesn't play games. our friendship is real. we have plans to be in each other's future & it feels so good bc i know she's not saying it bc i want to hear it.
i probs get annoying to her when i say things like this, but like i feel like i don't tell her this enough.
you know who you are & i love you with all of my heart 💜
