Speechless (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Five

My hands clenched tight holding the edges of my sweatshirt pulling the sleeves down so they were tight against my arms. I could feel the tears pricking at the back of my eyes as they had all day as I walked forward towards the lunch room. Each class had brought on a new set of struggles, each pushing me closer and closer to my breaking point. I was in a fragile state and I wanted nothing more than to disappear.

The stares and whispered had picked up again with full force making me the center of attention once again. Even the teachers stared with wide and confused eyes as I passed by them in the hallway. Without Harry I was alone, I was the only outcast. I didn’t have his strong ever present shadow following me around and giving me strength. Without him I was weak.

Walking into the lunch room I felt eyes turn towards me. It was as if I burst through in some dramatic fashion to draw their attention towards me when in reality I was as quiet as a mouse. There was no escape from their stares and I knew it. The more I tried to disappear the more they stared. Like I wore a neon sign that stated plainly that I was broken and vulnerable.

The loud drone of noise in the lunch room died down to a quiet lull of noise as I stepped inside. All motion stopped for a split second as the hundreds of students collectively thought the same thing.

There she is.

Letting my head fall I stared at the worn tips of my Nike shoes as they took even and slow steps across the tile floor. I didn’t need to look where I was going because the sea of students around me would part the moment I drew near.

Gathering up bits of inedible food I meandered my way out of the hustle and bustle of the middle of the lunch room and towards the edges where there were far less people.

Settling myself at one of the abandoned tables I took a deep breath. I could feel the crushing pressure of heartbreak pounding against my ribs with each breath but I knew that there was no fighting it down. There was no combat against a broken heart. It was all guerilla warfare from here one out, my mind raging war against my heart and it was clear to me my heart was winning.

Letting my body melt into the plastic blue chair that held me I began to poke around at the tray of food I had before me. I had no appetite and the food before me would not change that. I pushed the tray further away from me and then crossed my arms in front of my chest.

This was the only comfortable position. If I squeezed tight enough it felt like I was whole again, like the pieces of me weren’t falling apart before my eyes. That the tighter I squeezed the more chance I had to maintain the little amount of soul I had left.

The hum of noise around me pierced my ears unceasingly leaving me numb. It seemed as if the collective noise of all the students’ voices said a single comprehensible thing.

You are alone.

You are alone.

You are alone.

Reaching into my backpack I pulled out my iPod in hopes of escaping the whirling noise that echoed in my ears. I pushed the small white ear buds into their places and tapped violently at the screen praying something would come on and let me escape from the ever present sound of human voices.

Once their voices were silent my mind did not focus on the music, it simply faded into a state of utter numbness. I could feel myself floating above my body and out of the dreadful school. I wanted to be free and the only place I truly was, was inside my mind. There I was whole again; there I wasn’t a broken and battered victim. I was the hero of my own story. I didn’t need a boy in a black jacket with a broken past to rescue me.