butterflies & hurricanes // phan

Twelve

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12

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Two weeks later it was finally time for Twigs' goodbye party.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as much of a surprise to her as we had planned; Chris had been a little impatient and told her about it a few days in advance; accidentally, of course. At least that's what he had said.

It was a nice gathering either way, though. Plenty of people had come, and the food was absolutely delicious.

Much to Twigs' dismay, Leon was here, too, together with his new girlfriend, Mia. Leon and Twigs had both agreed that they wanted to stay friends, but I could tell by the look on Twigs' face that she still loved him a whole lot. Mia on the other hand, not so much.

Dan managed to come as well. However, I felt a knot form inside of my stomach when I saw him walking in holding hands with Sofia. And when they kissed, a little too passionately for my taste, I felt like throwing up.

Sofia seemed to be much better at socialising than I was. She was talking and laughing with a group of Twigs' friends that I hadn't dared talking to after two years of knowing her. I raised an eyebrow.

Dan and I sat alone together at the bar, and Dan managed to get drunker with every drink he had. It made me smile though, since his behaviour was pretty adorable, in my opinion at least. He looked at me first and then at Sofia, just like I did. He smiled when he saw her, and I could feel my mood darken a little. "She's so perfect, isn't she?" He looked back at me, and I faked a smile to please him.

"I just... I can't imagine life without her, you know?"

I nodded a bit and tried to seem happy for him. Yes, I know exactly how you feel, I thought.

"She can be... you know, difficult sometimes, but - man, I love her so much."

I tried to smile again, and I didn't need to see it to know it turned less and less convincing with every second.

"What do you mean by difficult?" I asked instead of what I actually thought, and Dan just smiled.

He snorted. "Well, I mean of course we have our disagreements here and then, but I love her too much to reject her in any way, hm. Dunno if that's a good thing, but hey, she makes me happy, after all."

I nodded a bit.

"I just don't think there's anyone more perfect for me than her, you know what I mean?"

My eyes started to sting. I knew this was ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. He was drunk as hell and that was why he talked about her so much, and I knew that. But of course the words he said were true. Drunken words are sober thoughts, after all.

"Excuse me for a minute," I mumbled, and Dan just nodded and sipped on another cocktail before he rose from his chair and walked over to Sofia. I stopped for a second to watch them, and when I saw him wrap an arm around her waist before kissing her cheek with this stupid, stupid grin on his face that I loved so much, I lost it. Completely.

Tears started to run down my face, but I wiped them away quickly so no one would see them. I made my way outside, and as soon as the cold night air hit me and the loud music was locked out behind the doors, I let myself fall against one of the pillars of the building. Loud sobs escaped my lips as I slid down the pillar quietly, and now I sat behind it on a set of steps in front of the building.

Why the hell had I dared to let my emotions take over me like that? Why couldn't I just see him as a friend, and why was Sofia oh so fucking perfect?

I knew it was stupid, but I wanted nothing more than be in her place. I wanted to be the one that could make Dan smile without even being there, I wanted to be the one Dan talked about to strangers. I wanted to be the one Dan would play the piano for at one in the morning, I wanted to be the one to wake up to him singing along terribly to stupid pop songs. I wanted to be the one to kiss Dan goodnight and I wanted to be the one to tell him how fucking perfect he was. I just wanted to be the one for him, but I couldn't be, because Sofia already was more than a perfect match for him, as it seemed.

Not even a minute had passed when I heard the door open behind me. I covered my mouth with my hand in order to stop the loud sobs from escaping my lips.

"Phil?"

I was a little relieved when I recognised Twigs' familiar voice. I didn't say anything, but I didn't sit too far away from the door, so she found me anyway.

"Phil, is everything alright? I saw you talking to Dan and then you - Oh my God, what happened?"

She sat down next to me and immediately wrapped her arms around me, and I leaned my head against her shoulder. And then I just couldn't keep it in anymore. My heart was broken, and I couldn't deny it.

"Is that what it feels like?" I asked in between sobs, and somehow managed to look at Twigs. "Is that what it feels like when you see him with Mia?"

Twigs looked at me and nodded, and I just leant my body against hers again. I hated this. I hated what other people could do to me, without even being aware of it. But would it have changed anything? Would it have changed anything if Dan had known how I felt about him?

"Yeah, it feels exactly like that," Twigs mumbled quietly.

We sat there for a while, and at some point I decided to leave. I hugged Twigs and told her to try and enjoy the rest of her party, but I knew she wouldn't have that much fun with Mia still being there.

However, I couldn't help her with that right now. Because I was a selfish, heartbroken prick, and all I wanted to do right now was sleep.

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my chapters are getting shorter and shorter i'm sorry