My Life, My Story 2

moment

one week but it feels like an eternity. it feels like someone died. but no one really did. we stopped us in a tragic way and it's sad to say it worked. we ignore each other and when we need each other the most we push each other apart. in one week i knew that it was right to leave you and try to find my happiness by myself without you. i looked back to everything and trust me i've read your messages and the part of moving on is to ignore you. the long heartfelt messages you sent me that made me cry to the ones that made me mad. you may act like you don't care but you do. people see you not the way i do. i see you passionate and understanding but others see you as a player and a douche. you care for people some of them more then others. one message you left me in tears was the one how we first met and making out before we even knew each other. we were like fucking 9 or 10 how did we even know about kissing. for the past couple post i've talked about you , us, since we were to messed up to explain our emotions to each other. to be honest we were hopeless. people said we only had lust no love since half of the time we kissed and barely talked. i know we technically weren't meant for each other. we were on and off dating other people talking to other people. dating each other's friends. and we were mad at each other i would talk to other people while you talked to others but we never talked to each other. you can say we tried but we always argued it wasn't really a "talk" it's sad. we drank a couple of times to the point that i slept over at your house because i was to drunk to go to mine. walking off because i couldn't handle my own self when i knew you were right. to grabbing each other's phones taking pictures of each other. when you caught me singing in the bathroom. when you watch me do my makeup and ask why the fuck i wear it since i'm so called "beautiful ". when you drive and i blast my random ass songs singing on top of my lungs with your hands on my thighs. when i used to cut myself and you used to kiss the scars and say so many sweet things. when you lost your dad due to drunk driving. i can go on about us. honestly i'm being 100% real. you used to fucking tease me and chase me. drag me into studios with jared. you find things out before i do. when you put nasty movies and say stupid shit about the scenes. making your puns that i hate so much. i hate how you made me laugh uncontrollably to the point i couldn't breathe so you can just take a picture of it and save as your lock screen. when we are in the car and do things. when we go to Miami for party's or even winter park. you used to pull me aside tell me to sneak out and go outside climb trees to the point i used fall and have random bruises and when people asked i had no words to explain. being with you was hell. you can probably say the same thing. you say you love me but when i leave you don't say it anymore all you say is you miss me. you say you miss our casual facetime calls but not even a missed call was notified by you. the only thing i get is a message. i haven't blocked you because sometimes i even type a long felt message but never get to send it to you. just because the things i saw aren't the messages you tell me. you care about the physical not the mental. it's okay because it felt like the only thing we had was lust. you've left your mark with hand holding, small kisses, make outs, hickeys, and sex just to leave me to rot. and you know why i'm saying this. just because i know for a fact that you won't read this cause i'm not worth your actual love...

~celys