My Life, My Story 2

February 23, 2017

if I die today who will notice if I died tomorrow will you have noticed. I am just one person and people expect me to do the things they feel thats right for them. Since you're so selfish you don't know what's going around you because the person you thought you knew and you thought that the decisions that you made for them will help them instead it  broke them but you thought it didn't hurt. It hurt them though and you didn't realize. Why would you go through all that trouble knowing that you are selfish to put someone in misery. for me I always thought the only way to break through was cutting myself and not realizing how strong I was and fail to recognize that it's so much more than cutting yourself or starving yourself or lying to other people saying you are "fine" when you know you aren't fine. You tell other people oh yeah I'll be OK or no I'm fine or even O it's nothing. But the only reason you're saying that is because you don't understand what you're going through people see through your eyes if you're actually OK people fail to recognize that it's not only them that they care for or it's not only themselves that they care for but the reason our generation is cutting them selves or other things to themselves is because no one's listening. They feel that no one understands what they're going through but trust me on this people know people probably went through this but they don't show, people probably thought about it but they didn't do it. they stayed quiet. if you know someone that's doing it to themselves tell yourself to talk about it, talk to them if you think there are doing it, talk to other people and talk to someone because you never know when you'll be the last one to see that person and you will live with the regret of not sharing what you know. 75% of teenagers kill themselves and they think that no one's going to care. But the truth is there mom is going to listen to old videos of you, your dad is going to cry every night in your room, your siblings wouldn't know who to argue with and think all the conversations you had fights. The best friend that you had will start crying their eyes out because they thought it was right for keeping their mouth shut. i've been thinking of death lately it hasn't changed i still wanna go out of my way to leave the earth. and people call you happy but the truth is no one knows what you're going through you may tell people but they don't know maybe they think they know but they don't. we put each other through so much crap but you don't bother to open up. We have friends that actually care but we hide the cuts we hide everything that goes through our head and tears come through every night with regrets. we all been through things we grieve we all cry we all get mad we all been through the same things some worst then others but you can't hold it. I promise you can't get through it by yourself i've tried. i'm going to open up today for you guys, at school no one knew no one really knew I had a panic attack no one knew anything you know why because no one knows i have those I was drawing today and if you check my papers it's the same picture. The same picture every class it was an eye with tears coming out of them I didn't know what it meant I just kept drawing and I couldn't stop. Three hours before school ended my hands couldn't stop shaking I couldn't think straight I was blank I couldn't talk the teacher asked me questions I hesitated and didn't say anything and I knew I had to get over it I had to get over the fact that my panic attacks that no one knew not even the closest person I have to me at that school knows. that sad no one knows that about me. Trust me on this self harm is anything you do to your body which isn't good but some people do it to get away because they don't know what else to do. they believe no one is listening to them.

And to be honest i feel the same way right now.