Memories Back Then Pt. 1

Chapter O5.

Since moving to Tunica County, my family had started to go to church and also be active in the church. I sung in the choir SOMETIMES, even taught the primary classes bible study from time to time.

During my time there, I saw this guy, met him when I first moved there (we both stayed in Shady Lane 2). He was the prettiest guy I'd ever seen, I'd had that childish crush on him at the time. You know the Crush where you always stare at them and speak, I KNOW I'm not the only girl whose had a crush on someone older than me before because I KNOW it'll be a lie.
Considering this book, and I'm speaking about TRUTH -- A LIE AIN'T SHIT TO TELL. 😑 But YEAHHHH, there was this guy and I had a crush on him. He was dating my cousin, and I used to go everywhere with them and I'll never forget the time we went to the Martin Luther King museum and he called me pretty. We used to wrestle all the time because he was always messing with me. But Yeahhhh, when my mom and dad separated we would go to my dad's house some days and stay and my mom's other days. While my dad worked and we were at his house, GUESSSS who tf was my little brothers' babysitter.

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Yes, DUDE was so I had to deal with him harassing me when I got home from school.
I was in the bathroom when he walked in on me one day, and me thinking it was by mistake, I nervously laughed and told him get out . When he didn't immediately leave out, I kicked the door closed locking it. After that day he watched me a lot and I didn't really pay it any kind because I'm a child. Even though I'd had sex once, I was still innocent minded.
My little brothers weren't bad then, well weren't that bad, enough to need supervision 24/7 or hardheaded enough to disobey simple instructions.
Even back then, my big brother was athletic so he always had practice after school so he was hardly ever home until my dad got off work. Soon I stopped being allowed to go outside because dude made up little white lies about me to my dad so I'd have to stay in the house after school and because of how strict my dad was on school days none of my friends ever came to the house to see me.

One afternoon, my little brothers were in the living room watching tv while I sat in my room doing homework mad as usual and in came dude. After repeatedly telling him to get out and being ignored, I decided to go in the living room with my little brothers. When I refused to go back in my room with him, he called my dad and told him I wouldn't listen and hadn't finished my homework. My dad sent me straight back to my room, I of course, being mad slammed the door and he walked in telling me about slamming the door and ignoring me. Next thing I know he's tickling me and I'm telling him to stop because I'm mad and my being ticklish was irritating to me. So I started trying to kick him away from me, being that he was stronger than me he didn't budge and I eventually gave up.

• I KNOW I SAID I WAS DOING THIS FOR YALL BUT MY THROAT JUST CLOSED AND IT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING'S TRYING TO CRAWL UP. I can't stomach this but I'm going in detail, so whatever You do pleeeease forgive me.

While tickling me, he began to run his hands over my body which sent chills up my spine and I begin to panic because wtf he touching me in this way. I, then proceeded to punch him and tell him to "stop," gasping for breathe because he'd been tickling me until I could barely breath. When his hands crept up to my privates, I squeezed my legs closed because I didn't want him touching me anymore, especially there.
"Move, move, move" was all I repeatedly yelled while he kept touching me.
I finally hit him hard enough to make him move enough for me to run out the room but by now, he's taken off my shirt so I'm bare-chested but I didn't care I was just trying to get away from him. My little brothers were still cluelessly watching tv, and I laid behind them on the couch (I was little for my age. I only grew taller.) and told them don't tell him where I was. My youngest brother was super bad so he thought it was a game and got up thinking we were playing Hide N Seek which resulted to dude finding me. When he spotted me, he picked me up and told my little brother to sit down and

"Don't get off the couch, we'll be right back."

He then carried me to my bed wrong, and closed the door where he held my hands down taking off my clothes all the while I tried kicking and screaming. After about 20 minutes, he'd managed to get my clothes off and was now sitting on my chest. My little brother called him from the living room so when he left, I ran and locked the door going to hide in my closet. He tried to coerce to into unlocking it, but I wouldn't budge until I heard my big brother come to the house so I could tell him. But because I was scared and dude kept watching me, I didn't say a word about it. I just cried all night not telling my big brother what happened and telling him nothing was wrong. I'm sure you're thinking that's the end of THAT right, but it wasn't but I sure do with it was. At the time, my favorite move was the movie about Fantasia so I watched it whenever it came on. You know the closet scene where she was raped, I hadn't been raped but I felt like it'd eventually happen to me being here.