Memories Back Then Pt. 1

Chapter 1O.

It's the summer after my seventh grade year when my life started to look good for the better. Well I'm not having sex as often anymore after all the bullshit Blacky and Rhed started. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson with them by then but NAHHH a bitch was hardheaded. 🤦🏾‍♀️ You know those friends you have that someone meets once for barely a half hour and you're told they aren't your friend? Well YEAHHH, I got that whenever I brought an adult around them but I still was trying to see the good in everyone despite all I'd been through.

After all that happened, some old friends of mine came to Riverpointe to spend the summer at their cousin's house and Blacky them didn't like that because that was unwanted competition and we were the only three girls of our age group that hung with everyone (guy wise) and Jada was pretty and kept herself up so they ain't like her. I didn't either honestly, until I realized who she was and how me and her were part of the same group of friends in elementary before I moved to Tunica.

Sadly that didn't mean anything to Blacky and Rhed so they still picked and shit, and I of course was in the middle of ALL the bullshit because Davisha, Jada, and I were friends and Blacky and Rhed were my friends also. Folks were about to fight every damn day, so we ended up in youth court like once a week.

Realizing that I wasn't going to stop hanging with them, Corey decided to ground me for the WHOLE Summer. I wasn't allowed to go outside unless I was with my mom and we were going to church or to the store. I was so miserable because they'd taken my phone and everything, which resulted in them reaching their goal of ending my friendship with the twins. I spent that summer reading any and everything, I hated it being cut off from the outside world but I had long realized that it was for the best. Eventually the school year started back so they had to let me out the houuuse and luckily I'd long gotten over wanting and needing friends. Blacky and Rhed were still themselves, forever starting mess and I was a bigger peacemaker than before so they hated me big time.

Being that mostly everyone hated me at Tunica Middle School, MOST of the seventh graders hated me because their "friend" didn't like me. It didn't bother me though because I was with whatever they were, no one putted fear in my heart. I'd been through enough to handle my own with anyone, and I never ran from a fight. I'd grown so used to the "You're so smart, if only you didn't have such a smart mouth," or things of the sort so I didn't even care how teachers and the school staff felt because when I was bullied they did nothing, but when I retaliated it was always a problem. By that October, I had begin hanging with only two of my classmates, Star and Shakira. We all stayed in Riverpointe but Shakira never came outside unless she was doing something for her mom and Star never went pass her the steps of her building because Blacky and Rhed had been picking with her since I'd known her. We hadn't really gotten along before because she thought I was helping them pick with her.

My biological father died this same year and I would've been unaffected if I hadn't been told at school. I'd only seen him twice, and I was so young when I saw him that I didn't remember much about him. My mother and I never discussed him either, so I ain't care at all. Because I found out at school though, a lot of my classmates found out and since they didn't like me anyway, they hit me with the dead daddy jokes all the time. Man I showed my whole ass after my dad died even though I never really knew him... That was my breaking point completely, I went on a spree then -- there really wasn't anyone I wouldn't fight. I stopped caring about everything from school to life. I just wanted to be done with everything. I got in so much trouble I ended up getting a mentor who said "there was a deeper problem," something that had happened to me that I wasn't talking about. I broke, we all had a sit down and I had to tell.

Blacky and Rhed had told my mentor who happened to be the youth court officer that I'd been raped and I couldn't even deny it because why lie? I had nothing to lose, I felt like shit already so whatever.. I ended up having to tell my mama who ain't take it well, of course like any mother she didn't take it well AT ALL. She wanted to kill him, me, and everyone else involved because she was the "last" to know and she felt I should've came to her, but how you tell a woman who already watch you get beat that you were raped and now you just having sex to feel loved? 🤔 I still ain't tell her about me having sex everyday though because I felt no need since I was no longer having sex all the time. Because they felt I was a danger to my environment, they got me counseling, and it DID NOT WORK because all I remember is going all the way to Tupelo, I don't remember nothing else but how the place looked. Being raped haunted me after that and I stopped having sex completely after that that was until I met Terron anyway.

Even after everything that had happened, Blacky and Rhed were STILL MAD. One morning while waiting on the bus I was talking to Shakira when Blacky brought her ass to the bus stop talking shit. Since I had told Kira that I was going to leave the shit alone, I ignored Blacky. I continued talking to Kira when next thing I know I get blindsided. Yessss, the bitch blindsided me and since my reactions are slow, it took me a minute to realize wtf had happened plus my vision had blurred because she hit me in my eye. By the time I fully focus, the bus had pulled up and everyone at the bus stop has surrounded Blacky letting her get on the bus first. 🙄 One thing I haaaated doing back then was not getting my lick back, it made me flip tf out so because our bus driver didn't tolerate fighting on the bus or mess he wouldn't let me on so I calmly walked off. As he went around in the circle, oval, or whatever shape you prefer to call Riverpointe, I walked beside the bus trying to keep my composure and to see if she'd get off the bus at some point since his stop was also in front of her building.

I was going home to tell my mama what happened when my anger got the best of me, so I kept walking until I made it to her building. There the bus stopped and since I was the only one at the bus stop I guess he was trying to give her the opportunity to get off the bus which she didn't take so I got even more mad. He eventually drove off when he realized she wasn't getting off the bus to fight so I walked to her house intending to tell her mama she hit me but when her mama opened the door my temper got the best of me and I punched her in the mouth, turned around and walked home as if nothing happened. 🤷🏾‍♀️ By the time I made it home, I was shaking and my blood was boiling so I couldn't get any words out. Since my mom and Corey were both off that day, they were both there just sitting there watching me watch them.