Memories Back Then Pt. 1

Chapter O7.

This begun to happen damn near everyday when only my little brother and me were home with him alone. My little brothers never really paid attention to what he did to me because they were still babies, simple minded and believed whatever they were told.

Scared that I'd be judged, get in trouble, or people wouldn't believe me I never told anyone but my "friends" Blacky and Rhed. 😑 My mom and dad, well stepdad were separated so that's how I ended up staying in both Shady Lane 2 and Riverpointe. Whenever I was in RP, I told them what happened and promised them not to tell anyone and they didn't for a long time.

Even though I was going through it at home, no one ever knew because I was still a STRAIGHT A student and I was still quiet -- didn't want anyone to figure out what was happening to me, all the while I was still being bullied by everyone for being "baldhead." I never really caught a break unless I went to the twins' house, so I honestly thought they were my friends. I couldn't sleep at home, so I slept at their house during that time my mama eventually met a new guy friend which only made matters worse.

One afternoon at my dad's house, he finally did it -- raped me completely because I wouldn't stop crying and screaming he forced me to give him oral sex and I bit him. This made it worse for me and he began to beat me, and he roughed pushed himself into me. I screamed so loud he smacked me, I didn't even care at that point I just wanted to die, I begged him to kill me that day.

In the midst of it all, me fighting him asking him to kill me my little brothers walked in. 😭 Being that he didn't strip out his clothes fully and even when he had and my little brothers came in times before he told them we were wrestling so today I guess because I was screaming so loud they ran and jumped on his back to help me. I was beyond relieved but that relief was short lived because he soon told my little brothers that I didn't need any help and even though I begged them to stay, they still left because he told them I was just playing and they wanted to go outside anyway.

He went on raping me for another hour until my big brother came home. I locked myself in my room and honestly didn't care if I got in trouble for locking the door because I just wanted him away from me. I'd never been so happy to go to my mom's house in my life, but that day I was and I told the twins everything that happened and they begged me to tell someone but I couldn't bring myself to do it so we cried together EVERYTIME I told them about it and it went on for a year and a half.

Although it was my fault because I never told, I grew mad at the world and myself. I grew a deep hatred for myself, blaming myself for what was happening because if I would've never liked him in the first place none of his would've happened. School was my escape somewhat because I was still getting bullied but I wasn't quiet about it anymore, I begin to fight and pick back. I soon became what I hated, not a rapist but a "bully." Other than the twins, I never told anyone what happened to me -- but the person I THOUGHT would help me or at least show they cared.

The day my big brother caught him and tried to fight him should've been the day I got rid of him for good, right? Well it wasn't like THAT at all, after my brother caught him raping me and they fought -- my brother came home from school everyday after that. Still afraid to tell an adult because my fear of the consequences, I even made my big brother promise not to tell anyone. He even started to blame him so I started plotting ways to kill myself without getting caught or saved. I hated for my brother to be helpless because of me. He got so overprotective he stood outside the bathroom while I used the bathroom.
I know this hurt him because through everything I've went through, my big brother was ALWAYS there and he also helped me but with this he couldn't help me, I continued getting raped especially when my big brother forgot whose house to go to after school. Those times were the first times I'd seen my brother cry, and it broke my heart knowing it was my fought because I'd made him promise to not tell anyone, not even one of his friends or an adult from school. We cried everyday.