Unexpected (Montgomery De La Cruz)

Individual struggles - Part two (Madison)

A month passed by before I was able to be anywhere near Montgomery. Two weeks in, I made the mistake of glancing in his direction, only to make eye contact. Eye contact that I didn't want to make because then he would know that I was still hurting over him and I didn't want to give him that satisfaction. I looked away as soon as I caught his eye. He continued to do whatever it was that he was doing with Anna. Everyone knew that they were hooking up, which hurt me even more because it should've been me that was making him feel better. I thought I mattered to him at least some but as the days went on, it became more and more obvious that I was wrong. The third week after Monty and I had our falling out, Jeff was the one who was finally able to get a smile out of me. I hadn't smiled in three weeks and the feeling felt foreign to me but so welcome at the same time. A stupid joke that was just so... Jeff. That's what made me start to feel normal again. By the end of the month, I started to feel a weight being lifted off of me and pain leaving my heart. So, I decided I could move on and go back to the lunch table with my friends instead of hiding out in the library every day. It was the fifth week that Justin begged me to come to his basketball game. I decided what the hell? If I could be around the three people who made a bet on my virginity during lunch, then surely I could manage a basketball game. It was time to start moving forward. That was the first time that Montgomery did something that seemed odd to me. I sat down in front of him and flipped my hair off of my shoulders. I could've sworn that I heard him inhale right after. I discretely checked myself to see if I hadn't put enough deodorant on but I smelled fine. I shrugged it off as a coincidence and continued to watch my cousin play. That was the same night that I couldn't help but to laugh at the stupid joke that I overheard him tell Bryce. I tried my hardest not to laugh and even gritted my teeth together but it still came out. Monty's sense of humor was always my favorite thing about him. When I laughed at his joke, I thought that I could literally feel my hatred towards him ebbing away. Week six I made the decision, with a little encouragement from Justin, to go with him over to Bryce's. I felt like going about my life the way I used to was the only way to move on from the pain that I was so tired of feeling. That was the same night that I realized that it was okay to laugh again. Zach talked me into slow dancing with him to his favorite song. I was never a big dancer but the puppy dog face that he gave me won me over. My face hurt afterwards from how much he was able to make me smile by just one little silly gesture. The whole time I couldn't help but to think that I wished I was dancing with Montgomery, though. I started to wonder if he would ever get off my mind and out of my heart. It was seven whole weeks that passed by before I was able to touch him again. Right as I was walking past him in the hallway, I got the sudden urge to reach out and hug him. To please my urge without giving in completely, I held up my hand and gave him a friendly high five. That simple high five was enough to make my heart race and my whole body to tingle with warmth. Week eight was when my joy fully came back. We were all hanging out at Bryce's and it started to rain. All of the guys stayed inside to play video games and have shelter from the rain. I stared out of the window for a minute, watching the rain hit the window, reminding me of my tears that had just recently stopped falling every night. Before I even knew what was happening, my two best friends and I were running out into the rain. As soon as I felt the cold water hit my warm skin, I felt alive for the first time in two months. I felt free, I felt my heart open up, I felt.... happy. A feeling I thought I would never feel again. I danced around in the cool rain, holding hands with Hannah and Jessica. All three of us laughing big bellied laughs the whole time. The joy that I felt was enough to make me realize that I could live without him. I was going to be okay without Montgomery De La Cruz.

It took two whole months for me to get back to being myself. It took two months for me to be able to interact with Monty again. It took two months for me to realize that I could move on from him. I couldn't let another two months pass without continually moving forward, never looking back. I was surprised whenever I heard that Monty had ended his little arrangement with Anna, they seemed very compatible. I couldn't stop the little feeling of hope that rose inside of me, but I quickly pushed it back down. It was on a Tuesday morning that Monty started making an effort with me again. I had completely underestimated the weather that morning and forgot to bring a jacket to school with me. I stood next to my car freezing while waiting on Hannah. I was rubbing my arms and moving around to create body heat whenever I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was met with Monty's eyes. I asked him what was up and thought I noticed a look of disappointment pass over his face but I knew I had to have been confused. "I noticed that you looked a little cold so I thought you might need this." He said to me as he wrapped his letterman across my shoulders and then walked off. Confusion immediately ran through out my whole body but I knew that it was a nice gesture either way. I shouted a thank you out to him and my heart started to race whenever I saw him smile back at me. I knew that if I didn't give him his jacket back right away and try to seem emotionless, then he was going to make his way right back into my heart and that couldn't happen, not when I was finally feeling normal again. I rehearsed what I was going to say to him all the way up until lunch. I had to seem collected about the whole thing. "Thanks for helping me out earlier, I really appreciate it." I said while handing him his letterman back. My practice paid off because I couldn't have sounded anymore carefree and smooth than I did in that moment. I had to fight back the urge to smile to myself with pride. He responded to me with an "anytime" and a small smile. A small smile that made my knees feel weak. Another week passed by uneventfully before Monty confused me yet again. I was standing at my locker with Hannah whenever I heard her talking to someone. "Are you into gardening now, Monty?" She chuckled. I briefly looked up and saw a sunflower in his hand. Was he really here to rub in my face that he was giving my favorite flower to another girl? My heart sank a little at the thought. I somewhat heard him going on about seeing the sunflower at the store and it reminding him of someone. My heart came right back up from sinking whenever I heard him say that the sunflower was for me. I couldn't hide the confused look on my face this time. As soon as I smelled the flower, everything else seemed to fade away and I couldn't help the smile from forming on my face. "These are my favorite. Thank you." I told him sincerely. "I know." He answered before smiling and walking off again. What was that boy up to? Three days went by before Monty surprised me again. It was the day of the first baseball game. He sat down right next to me at lunch and I couldn't help but to wonder what he was going to do this time. "So, are you going to the game tonight?" I heard him ask. "Yeah, they're making me." I chuckled while pointing to our friends. "Well, maybe you could wear this." He placed a shirt in front of me and then left saying he needed to study before I was even able to look at the shirt and answer him. At the same time that I opened the shirt and saw that it was one of his baseball shirts with his name and number on it, was the same time that Bryce yelled out that Monty never studies. I couldn't help but to laugh to myself because Montgomery was certainly not going to study. At the game, I surprised everyone by actually wearing his shirt. Hannah even told me that she saw Monty smile whenever he noticed me wearing his shirt. As much as I hated to admit it, I got butterflies at the thought. He was slowly starting to break down my wall.