Alan & I(Alan Rickman Fan Fiction)

Chapter14:What Have I Done To Alan

It had been a year already since my father's passing and I was just getting to the healed part. Alan and I did exercises everyday requested by a therapist to make sure I wouldn't fall into deep depression or nothing like that. I suffered from depression on and off my entire life and it was even more tricky when I got with Alan. Alan and I never really argued; we kept each other laughing and we compromised with each other on things we didn't agree on. There was this one particular day though where Alan and I had an argument. A huge one to. One that led to us shouting at each other from the top of our lungs. We were arguing about something stupid and I said something that I could tell very easily it had hurt him. He made the Severus Snape sad face and I knew I had messed up. He walked up to me and took off his wedding ring right in front of me. He took my hand and put the ring in my palm and forced it closed. Without saying anything he grabbed his things and left the house. "What did I just do" I said to myself. "I hurt him, I freaking hurt him". I was very disappointed in my actions and my attitude. I turned a simple thing into an unnecessary argument. "Alan is through with me. He's done he's getting a divorce" I said as I started to cry. I knew I couldn't live without Alan. I wouldn't last two seconds alone. He was the man that I was very deeply in love with and if I lost him I'd have no one else. I went up to our bedroom and cried for hours. I was at home alone. I was sure Alan was done with me. Dahliah had come on her own from California to visit us and she wasn't there. She had gone out really quick with an old friend from her high school. Alan had just left me and my other two kids were living their lives of happiness. The depression started to hit. It came back quick, before you knew it I was in the kitchen piercing a knife through my skin. Something I promised Alan I'd never do again as long as I live. He always told me I had beautiful skin and that it crushed his soul to see scars on it. I couldn't help it this time though, it wouldn't matter to Alan anymore we were over. I heard the front door open and quickly got myself together. "Mama" Dahliah called to me. I didn't answer. I stepped out of the kitchen holding my arm, my face all tear stained. "What's wrong"? She asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and headed upstairs towards my bedroom. "Mama wait!" Dahliah said running up after me. I went in the room and in our bedroom was the door to the balcony. I pulled back the huge curtains and opened the doors. "MAMA WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" she yelled running towards me. I guess somehow she knew. Alan was all I lived for. He saved my life many times and running him away was how I repayed him? No I couldn't bare it. Alan gave me back his wedding ring, he left me. He didn't say any words to me. We were over. He was done with me I just knew it. What have I done to him? How could I have been so careless? So selfish. "I can't stay here anymore. Please for me take care of your father" I said as tears started to flood my eyes again. "Mama what do you mean you can't stay here anymore"? Dahliah said in a panicky way. "There's nothing else for me to live for. You're dad is gone". Dahliah looked confused. "What do you mean daddy's gone? Daddy would never leave you". I climbed up on top of the balcony ledge. "MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP!" Dahli yelled but I ignored. "I love all of you. If your dad ever comes back tell him I always loved him and I'm sorry for what I've done to him". "Mama what did you do? Please mama DONT JUMP!" I handed her Alan's ring. "This is your fathers. He gave it back to me before he left. It seemed that after that she began to understand. "MAMA DONT HE STILL LOVES YOU I PROMISE!" She tried reasoning with me. I looked at her and said I love you and jumped off of that high balcony. I heard her scream. And I don't remember anything else.