Alan & I(Alan Rickman Fan Fiction)

Chapter20:Losing Alan

It was a regular day in the hospital. Alan was feeling fine but all of a sudden things took a turn for the worse. Alan's pressure dropped. He became less responsive and his breathing was irregular. Alan really looked sick and just really worn out. Some friends came to see him, his family was here and of course the kids. "Alan please don't leave. Fight it baby fight it". I said trying to encourage him. But it didn't seem to help. My husband was slipping away and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I knew if he had a choice he would stay. He knew how much it hurt and he never wanted to hurt us. He couldn't stand it. He kept getting worse and that's when we all began to cry. My children were losing their father; their kids were losing their grandfather and I was losing the love of my life. If he left he wasn't going to see his youngest walk across that stage nor walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding. They weren't going to have their father and daughter wedding dance. Just thinking about it is awful. He started sleeping most of the days he had left. It hurt our souls. His last day with us was drawing near. "Alana come" he said to me in a shakey voice. I rushed to his bedside. "Are you in pain honey" I asked him because he looked like he was hurting a great deal. "No honey I'm fine. Lay here" he told me pointing to his chest. He wanted me to lay on him; but why?  Wouldn't that cause pain? Whatever I only had so much time left with him so I did as he asked. I climbed on top of him. His strong arms holding me tightly. "You sure your not in pain daddy" Yashi asked him. "No I'm fine" he assured again. He smoothly stroked my back up and down. I closed my eyes and lived in the moment. "I love you forever Alan" I said. "I love you too" he said softly. "Alan give us a sign that you're still with us. Comfort us when you see that we're down. When we're missing you Alan, give us a sign that you're still there". I said to him because I don't want him to pass on and forget us. "Most definitely yeah. I'll always be with you" he said to me. God wasn't he such a sweet man. I gave him a few kisses on the lips. Knowing it would probably be the last time I kissed him. I laid there in his arms as he peacefully slipped away. I heard the beeps on the monitor go to a long noise. He had went flat line. Alan had lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. He was gone now forever. There will never be anyone else to replace him. I knew I  couldn't kiss him anymore, couldn't see his eyes staring into mines, couldn't hear him talk or laugh, I would never see that smile again. Until it was my time. I had lost the man I loved. The man who saved my life. My kids had lost their father. Alan once saved my life from a killer and it was unfortunante that I wasn't able to save his from this type of killer. That's what ate me up really bad.