My Brave Rebel: Book One (Bellarke)

part 26

CLARKE:

I was laying in bed when Bellamy suddenly stumbled inside my tent. He wasn't suppose to be up walking already.

"Bell! What the hell are you doing? You should be bedridden!" I told him.

"Clarke, we need to talk." He explained.

"Seriously? You would risk your health to talk tonight, then to wait until tomorrow?" I asked annoyed.

"You don't even come into my tent anymore! How am I suppose to talk to you?"

I looked at the ground, fumbling with my finger, not knowing what to answer. What he said, was true. I had stayed away the last few days. I had stayed away from everyone. Distanced myself from everything. I was so God damn tired and I just needed to be alone and problem-free for a while. And to be honest, seeing  the only person I loved, laying there, dead, took a bigger piece of me than I proclaimed. I knew I didn't have a right to be, but I was mad at him. Because he lied and because he said goodbye. It's like he knew it was going to happen, but he didn't bother telling me. He had no right to even think of leaving me like that. I don't die. My ass!

"Anyway, that's not why I came here," he said. I raised my head, meeting his gaze.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Jasper and Monty thinks that whoever put that 'thing' in my head is on their way here. They planted a tracker in the chip, and we lead them right back to camp, Clarke."

"So what do we do?" I needed to know.

"Up to you, Princess. I say we fight back." He said.

I closed my eyes and put both my hands on top of my head, dragging my hair backwards. Bellamy were nowhere near ready to fight for a leader who won't stand by them as they do? Besides, we don't know anything about them. Only that they have pretty fancy gear.

"Shit," I whispered to myself, but I'm sure he heard it. "And the other option?" I asked, hoping for something better.

"It's either war or evacuation." He said, and I could see it pained him to stand and talk. He seemed exhausted.

"Here, sit down." I said, pointing at my bed. He sat down, not questioning me, and I sat myself down beside him, making at least 20-30,cm between us.

"We evacuate." I said.

"We have 4 days. The countdown isn't over yet." He answered.

"We evacuate."

"Clarke," he started before I cut in.

"We can't win, Bellamy."

"Of course we can!" He stated optimistically.

"We evacuate tomorrow." I said, not able to meet his eyes, but I felt his stare.

"Why won't you fight for what we have accomplished here?" He said silently with a hint of bitterness.

"Is it really worth fighting for if, in the end, there is only a limited number of people left?" I fired back at him, trying to make a point. He shook his head, clearly not understanding how I think. I didn't expect him to understand either. Just that he respected my desicion. He stood up slowly, holding his hand over his chest as he did.

"You were dead, Bell,...Can you really blame me for trying to prevent that from happening again?" I said like a whisper, with an emotional voice.

"So that's it? That's why you don't want to fight back? Because you're tired of saving my life over and over again?" He asked resentful.

"I AM TIRED OF LOSING YOU!" His face changed facial expression like lightning when I said it. He went from being annoyed and offended to lose it and have it replaced by the most tender look I had ever seen him wear. It was certain that what I said had surprised him, and  make him regret what he had implied. It even surprised me. I wasn't aware that's how I felt until I had opened my mouth.

"Clarke, I,"

"I know, I know... You don't die, right?" I said as I looked up at him, smiling, halfheartedly.

"Thanks to you." He smiled, showing me that he was grateful without a word. He opened the door.

"Evacuation tommorow." He said and then he murmured "if you die, I die." And in two seconds he disappeared out the door.