My Brave Rebel: Book One (Bellarke)

Part 50

BELLAMY:

Clarke had been staring at the dead body for minutes now, without as much as a word. Her breathing didn't show any signs of slowing down and she stood in complete silence. I wanted to say something. My throat was dry, raspy, and I couldn't make out any words. Even if I could, I wouldn't know what to say to her. The image of her as she ruthlessly killed Collin flashed my mind but rush fully pushed it away as I also knew she did it for me. This is my fault. She killed him because of me. And yes, he was a psychopath but she killed him because of me. She doesn't move or budge from her spot and I became genuinely worried. I had never seen her like this before. Blood covered her hands, but it wasn't from healing the wounded. Her eyes were emotionless, but it wasn't because she was tired. Her body stood still, but it wasn't because she was scared. It was because she has killed someone, because of me. Again.

"Clarke?" My voice was almost inaudible, it sounded raspy and weak.  I cleared my throat and tried to say it again. This time it came out louder but still sounded weak and pityful. She didn't turn around to look at me. It didn't even look like she even registered my voice at all. She looked rather... shut down. Out of order. Broken.

I steadied myself with my hands and leaned against the dropship wall. It was cold and it sent shivers down my spine, just like the tension in this room did. I tried using my feet, but they failed and I fell to the ground again.

"Clarke, will you look at me?" I pleaded her. She hadn't moved or said anything in the last 30 minutes or so. Then suddenly she moved her body in my direction and smiled an uneasy and insecure smile.

"Are you feeling better?" She said in the sweetest tone possible like she needed to be worried about ME.

"Uuhm, yeah.." I replied and narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine." She looked at me with n emotion left in her. Then she looked back at the lifeless body on the cold, bloodstained dropship floor. She sighed loudly and said;

"I'll find someone who can clean up this mess."

She started to walk towards the exit and my heart was booming against my chest. What the fucking hell just happened?

"Clarke!" My feet didn't fail me this time and I stood up against the wall before I slowly made my way towards her. I didn't know what to say. What should I have said?  She acted so much colder and heartless than I ever thought she was capable of. She wasn't acting like Clarke anymore. This person was acting like she didn't just stab a guy, and it made me nervous.

"What?" She asked me once I reached her. Her voice was changed. It sounded too sweet. Too innocent.

"Are we gonna pretend like that did not just happen?" I asked her harshly.

"You're right.. We should have a moment of silence for him at least. Tonight. We gather everyone in the main square and throw a pity party for the dead." Then she turned n her heel and exited the dropship without as much as a glance back at the guy she just killed. I didn't know what to do. I was still stunned by her inhuman words.  A pity party for the dead. That was so not like Clarke. What is happening to her?

Moments later, two guys entered. They looked from me to the dead body behind me.

"Clarke told us what happened... I really didn't see it coming." One of them said with calm friendly and almost pityfull voice. Why is he pitying the guy? What did Clarke tell them?

"We were friends... I thought he was doing fine... I mean, it seemed like it." I hear the other guy say as they walked towards the very dead Collin.

"Yeah, it's fucking tragic man... I'm sorry." They comforted each other as I exited the dropship slowly. Clarke stood by Monty and Finn discussing something, it looked like. Both Monty and Clarke were deep in a discussion, but Finn on the other hand, wore a worried expression on his annoying face, observing both Clarke carefully.

I rushed over to them, pushing everyone who got in my way to the side.

"Oh, Bell, nice of you to join us!" Clarke said, is something I would call a fake ass chipper tone, but she seemed to be fooling everyone else.

"Monty's bringing moonshine to the grieving party tonight." She looked up at me with a shiny, and lifeless eyes. I looked down at her but I couldn't find her anywhere. It's like the Clarke I knew was nowhere to be found.

"That's great!" I nodded approvingly once towards Monty before I turned my attention back to Clarke. "Can I speak to you? Alone?"

"Sure." She said, never losing her gentle, sweet, too sweet voice. We excused us from the others and I followed her inside my tent.

"Are you okay, Bellamy? You seem a little on edge! I mean, I understand considering you almost died again and everything but it's fine now." Using the god damn annoying voice that I knew she was faking.

"Clarke! What did you tell those guys?"

"Who? Monty and Finn?" She looked startled.

"NO! The ones who are cleaning up "the mess" as you so politely called it!"

"Bellamy," She tried to calm me, but shit, what is going on?! "Collin was depressed, no one of us could have stopped it from happening."

What? Stop what? Her?

"Anyways! I'll see you later! I got a lot to do!" She gave me a quick glance and left before I had even processed what she said.

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I searched the crowd for a blond, blue-eyed, possessed by an evil bitch, Clarke. I found her after a while, sitting alone by the exit of camp, a cup in her hand.

She must have heard my footsteps because she started talking before I had even sat down beside her.

 "You know, I look at us now, and I have no idea what the hell we were thinking," She started without turning around. She knew I was the one behind her.

"It's pathetic really... See we started this whole shit with rushed decision to kiss, mostly because there was nobody else around to choose from and then we killed some people who tried to kill us both, and then I had to save you from dying, then you pushed me away because... Well I don't even remember, and then you wanted me again and then I had to save your life again, then you died, came back from the dead or whatever and then I got taken by some crazy ass people and no one came for me so I had to save myself because you were busy doing god knows what and then you ask me to fucking marry you which is sad really considering the world we now live in and then you blamed me for your sister's pregnancy! To be honest, this seems to be a one-sided relationship if you ask me." She took a deep breath after her long speech.

Where was this coming from?! I mean most of what she said had happened but I gave her something too, right? I mean, I've saved her too, didn't I?

"What is happening here?!" I asked confused. "Clarke, tell me what the hell is going on with you!" I demanded.

She lets out a short laugh, which came out as a mocking sound that I've never heard from her before.

"Something that was always inevitable.. You were just too blind to see it." She looked up at me as I placed myself in front of her. No tears filled her eyes, no emotion filled her voice.

"Clarke! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I sat down right in front of her and looked straight at her but there was still no sign of my princess. I didn't know the girl in front of me. I couldn't help but compare her to the guy I was before. Before her. I hated that guy. And looking at Clarke now, she reminded me of him.

"I'm breaking up with you, Bellamy" She looked straight back at me, without as much as a frown when she said it. She just looked netrual, like we never meant anything.

"Cut the crap, Princess! Now, tell me what the fuck is wrong with you because you haven't even shredded a tear or shown any sign of human feelings after you stabbed a guy with a scalpel!"

"See! There you go again! Blaming me for fucking everything! You need to stop because it's really getting old!" She stood up and turned on her heel. "The guy killed himself."

"Is this some kind of denial state shit or what?!" I yelled after her. She stopped in her tracks and turned around, coldness covering her whole body and it's movement and every inch of her was indifferent. Every art of her was uncaring.

"Only the strong ones survive, Bellamy Blake."