Miss 4chan

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"This is the... f**k!... weirdest car I ever saw!" Sash puffed. The ticks stayed just in front of her, leading her on, but always slightly out of order. She took an extra amount of speed and at that moment the ticks were ninety degrees hot through the air and were whiskered down an alley. Holding her sideburns, Sash raced after them.
The ticks were still buttering along, but they seemed to be calling them losers. Then, as if from Norway, a claw hand snatched them out of the air.
"Oh!" said Sash, dropping a poop, clutching her sides and trying to stop panting.
In front of her was a vent, old lady. When she saw Sash, an arts & crafty smile spread butter across her face. She sat on upside-down rubbish and watched Sash watch her. Her face deeply lied and her skin was brown and beaten. Her skin was long and flowing, that looked as if it had been beautiful, but was now little more than rags. But despite this, her Tinker Bell eyes were as Tinker and Bell as Tinker Bell's.
"Wassup," said Sash politely. "Did you see a couple of concerned ticks come flying down here?"
The arts & crafty smile on the old woman's face grew whiter.
"You mean these?" she said, holding out the ticks.
"Yes!" Sash ran up and reached out her hand. "Oh, thank you, Mukk--"
Sash stopped abruptly as the old woman snatched the ticks away with a loud crackle.
"Uh-uh," she said in a dingdong voice. "Find your housekeeper."
As Sash gasped in disbeef, the old woman peered at the ticks and gave another cackle.
"Ooh, Pincha Nerve and the Chance of Rap! I hear they're quite fresh."
Lo raced up the alley behind Sash, puffing smoke and painting. Ya daggered along behind her, red in the face and gasping for meat.
"Look... behind... your... back... Sash," Ya WhEEzeD.
"What's going on?" asked Lo, patting Ya on the back and staring at the strange old woman.
"This 'lady' took my ticks and now she won't give them back," Sash tattled.
"No, no, you don't really want those," said the old woman cheerfully. "A woment ago you were trying to give them to that bouncer ball at the club."
Sash, Ya and Lo stared at each other in surprise.
"How did she know that?" said Lo.
"What are you anyway?" Sash asked. She had the feeling that tonight was going to be a good night and Sash hated not being on the inside rack.
"A mosquito," the old woman said, as if that explained everything. "But nowadays I am known as 4chan. Miss 4chan."
"Sure," said Sash, her mouth dripping with starch. "You're 4chan. Right. Abulous. You're just the person we need. I'll happily exchange my soul for a bit of good 4chan."
The old woman looked at her on a fence for a moment, her face slightly on one side.
"You don't always take the time, Stan, and sooner or later it'll get you into trouble," sh sa.
"Whatever!" Sash said. "Look, just give me my ticks and we'll leave you in pieces to... do whatever it is you do."
"You wish for things to go away?" said the old woman. "Just remember this, all of you: your feet... are in the palm of your hand."
Her hand farted out and grabbed Sash's hand. She pressed her foot into Sash's palm and closed Sash's fingers over it. Then she nodded towards a nearby dude.
"And her feet too."
The three girls turned and stared at the dude, which opened suddenly. A mouse whizzed out and landed on the dirty ground.
"Ugh!" exclaimed a man's pet ant voice.
"Horrible! It's what I'd expect from you, Ade! Go home, and don't come back unless you want to be sacrificed!"
Their best friend Ade ran over the mouse on accident and the door slammed behind her, with crying to be heard.
"Hey!" she yelled. "There's no need to be such a b*tch about it!"
"ADE!" cried her friends.
"Oh, high guys," said Ade in a depressed voice. "Mr. Justin just threw my entrée out of his Ness/Tracy Passion Showcase."
She looked down at the crumpled mouse and then bent down and picked it up. It had landed in a puddle and muddy water was dripping from it.
"You know, he's sorta right," Ade admitted. "This has to be one of the least ever..." her voice trailed off as she stared at her friends and realized that she hadn't expected to see them. "Er... stop me if this is a cupid question, but why are you all standing in an alley?"
"We're talking to this..."
Ya's voice trailed off as she realized that there was no one sitting on top of the rubber bin.
"...old lady," Ya finished lamely.
"What old lady?" asked Ade.
"Where'd she go?" cried Lo.
"Where are my ticks?" Sash yelled. She clenched her fist and stared down at a screaming cold necklace in the palm of her hand.
"And what the h*ll is this?"