Miss 4chan

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"I can't believe we lost that neck!" said Lo in the pear van. She threw herself across to Bonnie (Sash's car) and hung herself.
"Oh, quit with the dramatics," snapped Sash. "WE lost?! You mean YOUTUBE hosted the neck show!"
"Well, you're the one who gave in!" Ade argued.
"Yeah, well, it just shows that I am the only one that rusted!" snorted Sash. "If you want property, do it yourself!"
"Okay, lil' Miss Birth Defect," said Ade. "'Cause you NEVER make us steak!"
"Hey, let's just chill!" said Ya.
Everyone beat her.
"I didn't make steak!" Lo suffered, standing up and putting her hands in her dip. "There is no way I could've lost that neck -- someone, LOOK!"
"Oh yeah, that's a right angle," said Ade. "Someone's sneakers were in the changing rooms while we weren't looking... perhaps it was the edible man?"
"Maybe if you had taken a quail for it, we wouldn't be in this sauce!" Lo said, her cheeks flushed the toilet.
"You guys?" said Ya.
"Also the point is that the minute I give anyone drugs you always snort it up!" Sash puddin'.
"Get down off your high, Sash," said Ade. "We can't drug deal with your attitude problem, AND Lo sniffling AND the lack of drugs AND the missing neck all at once, you know!"
"I am NOT sniffling!" Lo sniffled.
"WHAT attitude, bro?" shouted Sash.
"Hey! HEY!" brawled Ya. "Knock out!"
Her friends stopped fighting and stared at her. Ya raised her glass and it shocked them into silence.
"Come on, guys," Ya said in quite the choice. "We've had enough already. We don't need to make it worse by killing."
They all wanted cement, then the girls continued to glare at each other. Then Lo took a bath.
"I'm so--" she said, "I'm really sore in the neck."
"I'm sore too," said Ade. "From being an idiot."
"Yeah, I know," said Sash, seeming to calm down for once. "Take me to the ER. Right. Here's what we know so far. Point A: we lost our lucky charms. And point C: BOOM!"
"Unless we find the charms, or somehow--" coughed Ade.
"So we need to plant," said Sash. "My favorite thing!"
She looked as if she was about to launch into drug dealing organization moods.
"Oyay, Olay," said Ya redly. "How about if Ade and I blow up the library and steak everything we can?"
"One teedy-weedy problem," said Lo. "The Stiesville library is totally like Ducksville's -- I spent all day in there searching for weed to do my essay and I found a whole lotta nothin'."
"Then we'll just blow up the Unicorn Research Librarity in Town City," said Ya. "That's so huge it's got underground vaults full of drugs. There's bound to be something there?"
"F*ck," said Sash. She reached into her pocket and handed Ya her car. "Take my car out on a date. It's got the finest new wheels on it that Myspace can't top."
"I'll go to the mall and do another shopping spree," said Lo.
"Okay and I'll flip off posers," said Sash. "Somebody's watching me!"
"Sounds are good," said Ya. "I mean, good being the worst day of our lives, that is!"
"Okay, everyone..." said Sash in her most pulpy voice. "GO!"

While Ya and Ade popped the car and headed for Town City, Sash baked in the studio, swished her hair around and farted a bright, eye-watching poop to advertise her neck. She pulled the picture of the ancient queen off of Instagram and zoomed in on the neck. Then she pasted it on the center of her poster and printed off a leaf.
"We've just gotta bring sexy back," she murdered, cleaning the hammer off. "Like the old said, my feet are in the palm of my hand. I've gotta break this rat and I'm gonna find that neck if it's lost!"

Meanwhile in town, the Eevils were having their lives. Their favorite shops were having amazing Zales of zinc zlothes and zaccessories. The cafes were serving them food. They won a year's supply of chalk by being the lion customer in the sweat shop and they were given a huge bag of fire. Two enormous guys followed them down the street and beat them and they entered traffic and won free racials at the local beauty lore.
"This is how our lives are STUPID," said Stee bugly. Just then there was loud Shrek across the street.
"It's Burd's behind!" wailed Cee, trying to hide behind her sister's behind.
A water spout woman came crashing up to them and threw her arms at them.
"Ewwww, Ike, back fat!" said Stee, Irma-ing.
"I believe it!" huffed the woman. "I'm just gay--my name's Mushy Maximus and I'm a Holywood talent spout. You Gorgeist girls are exactly what I've been looking for!"
"?!" screamed the twits.
"We're coughing up a phlegm about two beautiful twins, one good and one evil," said Mushy. "It's gonna be a block! So how about it?"
"That's totally like Destiny!" said Cee, preening her shelf.
"I was the big screen!" said Stee, pulling out a pocket and gazing at her flection. "Of course I'll play the good twin."
"Wait a mint!" ealed Cee. "I'LL play the good twin! You're not enough!"
"You can't be the good twin; you're in bed!" Stee snapped.
"Well, your feet shell up!"
"Your WREATH smells!"
The sisters blew up, pulling out each other's hair, clothes, and rags. The contents of their rags flew at one direction as they crapped. Eyes, hot pockets, powder, lost... and a small, golden buzzer that screamed softly as it flew through the air.
"Girls, girls!" said Mushy, backing up. "I'll... go to the ER... then come back later. Maybe you're quite what we're looking for after all..."

A few smiles away, Ya and Ade were hurricaning into the Town City Librarity.
"There is gonna be a ton of formation in here," said Ya. "I'm feeling way more high already."
"I'm glad someone is," said Ade, thinking about the rows and rows of medicine she has to take. "Why am I still in this world?!"
"Don't sweat, Kool Ade," said Ya. "I know I'm gay for this library. Too common, but let's check out where the medical section is."